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Technology

Looks like the venerable tradition of Japanese tentacle porn isn't just confined to dirty manga or the occasional video clip anymore—you can now enjoy all that hot slithery action on your Nintendo DS screen too! We're still holding out for someone to create a Wii version using motion sensors and a balance board for that extra added touch of realism, however. Just think of all the calories you'd burn off trying to escape from your virtual octopod paramour's evil clutches ... (kotaku.com)

videogames

Dark Room Sex Game: Sex With The Lights Off (And Clothes On)

You've used your Wii to improve your baseball game and your bowling skills. So why not play something that'll actually help you improve something useful, like your ability to achieve mutual orgasm with your partner? Dark Room Sex Game, an "multiplayer, erotic rhythm game without any visuals," allows players to work together to find a rhythm, then gradually speed up until ... well, you get the idea. If the two player mode is a piece of cake, you can witch to "orgy mode" and swap partners to your heart's content. It may not be as fun as actually getting it on while playing with the Wii, but it's probably the only way you'll get your hot best friend to show you her O face. Demonstration video after the jump. More »

If Twitter's not doing enough to keep track of your sex life, consider switching to Bedposted. Currently in beta, the site promises to help you keep track of how often you get busy, and eventually give you some insight into your sex life. The only catch? You have to sign into Bedposted after every time you have sex. If you haven't fallen asleep first, that is. (bedposted.com, thumb via Gizmodo)

Still More iPhone Perv News Did you know that every time you snap a picture on the Japanese version of the iPhone 3G it will make an audible "shutter click" noise that you can't turn off, even when the phone is on silent mode? Why? So upskirt fiends can't do their dirty work undetected! (Actually, almost all new phones in Japan are supposed to do this, but now that it's an iPhone story ... ZOMG! Apple porn!!%!#@$!!!!1!) (Gizmodo)

And another friendly reminder to everyone itching to look at smut on their shiny new iPhones today: you can check out Fleshbot's previous iPhone porn coverage here, here, here, here, and here, among other places. Assuming you got yours activated, that is; otherwise you're just going to have to get your fap on the old fashioned way. Ever hear of this thing called the internet?

We've already gone into a fair amount of detail about why that promised iPhone 3G porn revolution certain big media outlets seem so obsessed with lately is just a load of hooey—but it never hurts to have a second opinion about these things. Even if we still seem to be the only ones who think RubMyClit is the best reason to buy an iPhone in the first place. (sfgate.com)

hype

iPhone Porn 2.0: Here We Go Again

In case you haven't already heard, July 11th is the first day of the rest of your life. That's the day iPhone 3G 2.0: Electric Cellphone Boogaloo will descend from the heavens and bathe us all in the healing light of subsidized mobile interweb global positioning touch screen perfection. But what does that really mean for you, exactly? Lots and lots of porn, of course! Adult content producers are salivating at the idea of providing you with smut on the go, and the mainstream media is fairly frothing at the mouth just yapping about it. The world has changed, people!

Except ... didn't we go through all this last year?

More »

it's funny 'cause it's true

iPhone 3G: Best Porn Phone Ever?

While our more geeky siblings may be excited about about the iPhone 3G's GPS capabilities and new applications, there's really only one thing that interests us about it: the faster download speeds, which of course means quicker access to porn. And it seems we're not the only ones who are looking forward to rubbing one out to BigSausagePizza.com with greater convenience during work hours, as you'll see in the video below. Really, what else were you going to use that fancy piece of equipment for anyway? Checking those spreadsheets on your Enterprise server? Please. More »

sex toys

Getting An Inside Look With The EyeDildo

Desperate to show the world an up close and personal home movie, but a little too lazy and/or technologically disinclined to build your own dildo cam? Get your hands on the EyeDildo, a pretty little toy with a built in camera and cables to connect to your TV so you can see the action in real time! And if you're curious to see how it works without having to find your own test subject, these two lovely ladies are more than happy to demonstrate. (Why you'd be that turned on by extreme cervical closeups is another matter entirely. But hey, to each his/her own!)

· EyeDildo (eyedildo.com, via slashdong.org)

sex toys

The ShockSpot: Sex Machines Go Even Higher Tech

That invent your own sex toy contest sounds like fun, but if you were thinking of designing a lightweight aluminum alloy thruster/vibration combo fucking machine with a custom-made actuator system and extensible GUI software interface ... don't bother, because it's already been done. Fortunately for the makers of the ShockSpot, though, we don't really understand what most of those terms mean, so there was never any danger of us beating them to the punch. This sleek device looks like something that Wall-E might fall in love with, but it's really just a computer controlled sex toy with customizable vibrating and/or thrusting patterns that you can save, re-use and even share with friends. It's pretty complicated stuff, even if the website looks like it was designed in an entry-level computer science course 12 years ago.

(Oh, and the most shocking part? How about the $2,200 price tag? Guess they won't be giving that idea away anytime soon ... )

· Shockspot.net - Pleasure System (shockspot.net, via Slashdong)


gadgets

Hide Your Porn DVDs In Mysterious Magic Box

Porn collectors who want to build a library of filthy, filthy smut inevitably run into two problems—a lack of space and a lack of shame. Because you've spent all your money on DVDs, you probably don't have a house big enough to hold them all, and even though your friends and loved ones are cool with your obsession, maybe you would still prefer that they not know that you own the entire "Rim My Gape" series. Once again, technology saves the day! The Disc Manager 100 holds 100 DVDs in a small white box that is compact, stylish and—most important of all—does not have the word "Cum" or "Whores" written anywhere on it. More »

Scribd is apparently some sort of Web 2.0 (note the missing vowel) document sharing website that has built up quite a following despite the fact that we've never heard of it. How did they do it? Porn, of course! So naturally, now that the site is popular (and investors are likely getting nervous) they've decided to ban adult content. (That would be upsetting if it wasn't so typical.) Hey, porn bloggers probably need whatever service it is that they provide too! (centernetworks.com + techcrunch.com)

cybersex

Teledildonics And You: How One Company Could Control The Future Of Sex

Have you had a orgasm recently? Good for you! Were you helped along with some technical assistance, specifically from a little buzzing friend? Then you probably owe someone money. You see, there's a big little company called Immersion and while we're not sure exactly what they make or build, they do hold pretty much every patent imaginable in the field of haptics or "force feedback" technology (i.e., things that vibrate when you play with them.) That market mostly consists of shaky videogame controllers and teledildonics devices. For example, Immersion has filed and won a lawsuit against Sony that would prevent them from selling their Playstation controllers in the U.S.; it's currently under appeal. Of course, even a company like Immersion doesn't want to get down and dirty with people who make sex toys, so they've licensed their patents that might apply to sexual devices to the mysteriously named Internet Services, LLC—and then let those guys sue sex companies that violate them. If you thought that was confusing, pay attention, because it get weirder ... More »

Our modern university science and engineering programs bring together the latest technologies with the world's brightest young minds to create the next generation of groundbreaking state-of-the-art innovations—like this giant mechanical nutsack that three NYU students built for a class project. Can you believe the balls on these kids? (testetouch.com [sound warning], via Gizmodo)

The Teeny Weeny USB drive would the perfect place to hide your porn if your porn collection didn't require more hard drive space than the Library of Congress. And you can save the jokes about "pulling out early," because they made that one already. (teenyweenydrive.com)

Up Close And Even More Personal With ... Uh, Whatever You Call This Thing With all of the semi-hysterical NSFW warnings they put in before the juicy part starts (literally!), you'd think our brethren at Gizmodo and their readers had never seen an educational video clip featuring an internal vag-o-cam cumshot closeup before. (OK, so maybe we hadn't either, but still. Amateurs!) We know you might be tempted to try this at home after certain DIY tips we've shared with you this week, but ... seriously, don't.

television

"The Uncanny Valley": Why Porn Video Games Suck

As readers of this site know all too well, there have been many, many, many attempts to meld interactive video games with hardcore porn, and despite the occasional interesting result it's been pretty much a total failure. Why is this such an impossible task? (Besides a lack of money, creativity and raw computing power?) It has to do with a little rule of animation and robotics known as the "Uncanny Valley." What is that exactly? Well, last week's episode of "30 Rock" provided the clearest, most succinct explanation of the concept that we've heard yet—by breaking it down into a "Star Wars" metaphor, of course. See why your dream of fighting off an alien invasion while boning 3-D Hillary Scott clones is never meant to be.

· 30 Rock (full episode @ hulu.com)
· Uncanny Valley (Wikipedia)

Three months ago the folks at Switched.com made a video at the Adult Entertainment Expo where porn stars discussed their favorite gadgets; assuming you're still interested, you can read more details in this new series of print interviews. We're not sure why it took them so long to transcribe everything, but hey — it was worth the wait to find out more about Jesse Jane's special relationship with her iPhone. (switched.com)