Fleshbot: Sex Tape

Caught On Tape: Top Ten Celebrity Sex Tapes

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:00:00 EST

Now that we all have digital cameras or webcams or iPhones or some sort of photo device that doesn't require third party processing, pretty much everyone out there has taken a photo or video of themselves en flagrante delicto—even celebrities (they're just like us!). The difference, of course, is that when your sex tape (or our sex tape) goes public, it really only matters to an audience of tens—as opposed to the tens of thousands (or millions) of people who happen to take interest when, say, Colin Farrell is caught on tape. Over the years, we've made good business tracking the all too many instances of celebrity sex tapes; join us after the jump for a walk down Naked Celebrity Lane.

Kid Rock: We're pretty sure there was only one reason why the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape was ever released: to prove (to someone, we don't know who) that these two a) have (or at least had) groupies and b) have received oral sex. We're pretty sure we didn't need to know either of those things — but hey, that's the world of celeb sex tapes for you.

Joanie "Chyna" Laurer: Female pro-wrestlers don't get nearly enough attention in the press—though we're not really sure that the kind of attention that Chyna's sex tape generated was really appreciated by her fellow female wrestlers (can you say "inch-long and thick-as-a-pinkie clitoris with a corona resembling the head of a penis"?).

Amy Fisher: Given that Amy Fisher's biggest claim to fame was shooting someone in the face, it is, perhaps, a little odd that she followed that up with her very own sex tape. Then again, Amy's criminal career was spawned by an affair she had with the much older Buttafuoco. When she was a teenager. And seriously, how hot does "Long Island Lolita: Caught On Tape" sound? (Related, but vastly less hot: the Joey Buttafuoco sex tape.)

Verne Troyer: Next up in our list of unlikely pornstars is Verne Troyer (better known as "Mini-Me."). Though Troyer didn't take too kindly to his time in the spotlight, we feel the release of his sex tape was actually a bit of a public service. Firstly, it taught us all that, no matter how different you may look, there's always someone out there who'll be willing to love you (and commit it to tape!). Secondly, it gave us all a very, very detailed lesson in how not to kiss.

Gene Simmons: And speaking of KISSing (ha!): you can't spell sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll without sex. And no one knows that better than KISS front man Gene Simmons, whose all too brief career in adult entertainment we were more than happy to analyze.

Dustin Diamond: If you'd told us, as kids, that Screech of "Saved by the Bell" fame would one day be the star of his very own sex tape, we probably would have run screaming from the room (well, after having you explain what, exactly, a "sex tape" was). That reaction wouldn't have been so far off: Dustin Diamond's last ditch effort to reclaim the spotlight was pathetic at best—but at the same time, isn't the whole pathetic grasp at fame thing the whole point of a self-released sex tape? (Oh, and also: Dirty Sanchez.)

Jenna Lewis: Screech wasn't the first "celebrity" to cash in on a "stolen" sex tape: that honor goes to Jenna Lewis, better known as Jenna from "Survivor," who raked in over $70,000 (and extended her fifteen minutes of fame) with her very own sex tape.

Kim Kardashian: And then, of course, there was Kim Kardashian's romp with R&B star Ray J. We never really figured out why Kim was supposed to be a celebrity, but at least she managed to make it with someone with at least a little bit of cred. And, for that matter, Kardashian managed to rake in a decent amount of money, too (much as she denied that she had had any part in the tape's public launch).

Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain: Given that Colin Farrell and former Playboy Playmate are two people we'd actually want to see get it on (as opposed to, well, many of the people who made this list), we were largely convinced that their rumored sex tape had to be a hoax. Yet somehow, it wasn't! See, sometimes the powers that be really do listen to our prayers.

Paris Hilton: Paris's tape hits the top of our list not so much for its quality (it's shot in night vision, for one thing, and Paris was never much of performer) but instead for its cultural significance. Before her flirtation with amateur porn, Paris was just a D-list party girl and hotel chain heiress; post-"One Night in Paris," she was a full-fledged C-list celebutante with her very own reality show. Using a sex tape to eke out a modicum of fame and launch oneself into the spotlight? Brilliant. (Oh, and there's also the matter of Paris's sexploits hitting the newswires the same day that Fleshbot launched—five years ago today! So maybe we're a little sentimental? It happens.)

Bonus Scandal! Dita Von Teese: Lovely Dita didn't so much make a "sex tape" as star in some arty lesbian fetish porn—but hey, the video was hot enough (and the scandal hyped up enough), that we had to include it somewhere. It also wins points for generating one of the best headlines ever seen: "Dita Von Teese had sex with a shoe." She sure did.

Did Obama's Mama Get Nude For The Camera?

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 10:30:00 EDT

With just a week and a half until the election, new rumors about Obama are swirling around the blogosphere... and this time, they're personal. By which we mean: about his mother. Did Obama's mother pose nude for some photographs? Should anyone really care? Conspiracy theorists have somehow managed to convince themselves that if this naked woman is the mama of Obama, it calls Obama's parentage into question. No, we don't get it either. As far as we're concerned, if it is Obama's mother (and it probably isn't), all it means is that she was smokin' hot and ahead of her time. See for yourself after the jump.

. . .

· Real Or Fake?: Nude Photos Of Obama's Mother (nerve.com)

Britney Spears Still Doesn't Have A Sex Tape (That We've Seen)

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 13:40:43 EDT

The latest alleged Britney Spears sex tape that the media has been all in a tizzy about? Yeah, turns out it's all a hoax. Good thing we didn't get our hopes up about that one! (starmagazine.com)

Mini-Me Sex Tape Costar Tells All, Again (But Do You Want To Listen?)

Jonnobot — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 09:45:58 EDT

We guess this interview with "Mini-Me Sex Tape" costar Renae Shrider would be a heck of a lot more interesting if we actually knew anyone who's watched the damn thing (since we're sure not interested in watching it ourselves)—and if she hadn't already done a tell-all interview a few months ago. But if you want to help her make the most of her 15 minutes then have at it. On the other hand, if you do know anyone who's gone through the trouble of actually downloading and watching it could you please send them their way? We might be interested in interviewing them sometime. (AVN)

Even A Sex Tape Can't Save Jeremy Jackson ...

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 11:20:13 EDT

Sometimes, even a sex tape isn't enough to revive your flagging career. Jeremy Jackson, aka Hobie from "Baywatch", is the star of 45 minutes of hardcore action with former pornstar Sky Lopez... and there is no one who's interested in buying the tape, which we find a little surprising. In addition to featuring people fucking, the tape has an interesting backstory including betrayal, threats by drug-addicted thugs, and a pornstar who finds Jesus. Okay, maybe it's not that interesting. But still! People fucking!. (tmz.com, more @ avn.com)

No Virgin Suicides, Please, We're British: The Josh Hartnett Sex Tape (?)

Gram Ponante — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 21:30:30 EDT

While we're not sure if Josh Hartnett has made a good movie since "The Virgin Suicides," celebrity sex tape outlet Red Light District is offering $500,000 for the rights to distribute the apocryphal tape of the actor and an unidentified female friend (or "galpal") in a London hotel library.

No one connected with the actor said "It'll only have to sell, like, 20 copies to beat 'Hollywood Homicide'." (Well, maybe Defamer might have.) If the tape exists, our money is that it will be called "Member 2." Most shocking of all is they have libraries in English hotels?
· "Red Light District Offers $500,000 for Josh Hartnett Sex Vid (AVN.com)

Now that everyone from Keeley Hazell to Verne ...

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 11:00:19 EDT

Now that everyone from Keeley Hazell to Verne Troyer has starred in their very own sex tape, you're probably feeling the urge to go out and create your own. Thanks to these top ten tips from noted sexperts Em and Lo, that task just got a whole lot easier—especially if you still haven't learned anything from all those other how-to guides we've pointed you to. One thing they forgot to mention: if you upload your homemade sex tape to the internet, everyone will see it, including your mom. Happy filming!(dailybedpost.com, thumb from sellyoursextape.com)

Verne Troyer Sex Tape Costar Tells All!

Jonnobot — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:20:39 EDT

Although we're as anxious as most of you for the whole Verne Troyer sex tape brouhaha to go the way of Gene Simmons and Joey Buttafuco (= straight to that deeply sequestered part of our mind where we store things like "Small Wonder" and the last couple of Liz Phair albums), we'd be remiss in our duties if we didn't tell you about this radio interview with his lady friend Ranae Shrider in which we're told she discusses "the size of his peen and everything". No, we didn't listen to it ourselves. Even our sense of duty has its limits. (w/photo gallery @ 933flz.com - thanks Shawn)

And speaking of celebrity sex scandals in ...

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:55:37 EDT

And speaking of celebrity sex scandals in the news this week, apparently dirty photos of former "Germany's Next Top Model" contestant Gina-Lisa have surfaced online. But unlike Verne Troyer, Gina-Lisa isn't mad that her naughty bits are on display; she's just worried that other women will get jealous when they see the pics. Aren't Germans so much more civilized? (And yes, we know that this post stretches the limits of what constitutes a "celebrity sex scandal". But we had to do something to get all that midget porn out of our heads.) (bild.de)

Speaking of midget porn superstars, it seems ...

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:45:33 EDT

Speaking of midget porn superstars, it seems that Verne Troyer will not be letting anyone distribute his sex tape anytime soon. We're sure the folks at celeb porn purveyor Red Light District are bummed at the loss of another revenue stream, but in this case we think it's probably all for the best. In fact, we're positive it's all for the best. Really. (telegraph.co.uk)

Not The Verne Troyer Sex Tape

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 10:45:38 EDT

Given the fact that we were all treated to the sight of him pissing into houseplants on that VH1 reality show a few years ago, we guess this had to happen eventually: Famous tiny person Verne Troyer, best known to audience until this point as Mini-Me from the Austin Powers movies, has gone and made himself his very own sex tape. (Yes kids, even dwarves make bad decisions sometimes.) SugarDVD has reportedly offered $100,000 for the tape—but unless they get Troyer's consent, none of us will get to see just how else Verne likes to get freaky. While you're (not) waiting to see how it all pans out, we invite you to watch this alternate reality version of how things might look. We know it's not the real thing, but it's the closest we could find for now ... and maybe the closest you'll ever want to get.

. . .

· Midget Cock Is Too Small (megarotic.com)
· SugarDVD Makes Offer for 'Mini Me' Sex Tape (avn.com)
· Mini-Me Sex Tape: Avert Your Eyes! (tmz.com, via Defamer)

Wait ... so even after what we were told ...

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 02 May 2008 10:50:52 EDT

Wait ... so even after what we were told yesterday, now they're saying that the Jimi Hendrix sex tape is a big old fake? We are shocked! What are you going to tell us next—that the Marilyn Monroe sex tape isn't real either? (uk.reuters.com)

It seems you can't keep a good celebrity ...

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 01 May 2008 11:10:16 EDT

It seems you can't keep a good celebrity sex tape down: over two years after it first caused a sensation, the Colin Farrell/Nicole Narain sex tape has resurfaced on YouPorn. If you missed it the first time, now's your chance to hear Colin Farrell's dirty talk. And unlike certain other sex videos we've heard about lately, all parties involved are still alive as of the time of this writing. (youporn.com)

Hendrix Sex Tape (Dot Com): Because "AreYouExperienced.com" Was Already Taken

Jonnobot — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 11:55:59 EDT

Despite all the choices available to them, it looks like the folks at Vivid went with the obvious HendrixSexTape.com to hawk that ~~eleven minute footage of dubious authenticity~~ electrifying sex scene and exciting bonus footage we told you about earlier. Think they'd give up "JimiHendrixSexBlog.com" now that they don't need it anymore? We're totally feeling it's time to rebrand ourselves to something more catchy. (Trailer after the jump.)

. . .

· Jimi Hendrix Sex Tape (hendrixsextape.com)

Previously: Please Excuse Us While We Touch Ourselves: Vivid's "Jimi Hendrix Sex Tape"

Two Minutes, 39 Seconds Of Living Dangerously: The Linda Hunt Sex Tape

Jonnobot — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:51:07 EDT

Our not-so-secret crush on pint-sized thespian and Tylenol commercial voiceover artist Linda Hunt has been documented here before, but never in a million years did we ever think we'd be treated to a nearly three minute clip of this particular object of our affection being pleasured by a strapping young buck on the top of a kitchen counter. You can keep your washed-up pop tarts and chick show television starlets: when it comes to fap material, one starring an Academy Award-winning performer who shot to fame for her crossgender portrayal of a "Chinese-Australian dwarf of high intelligence and moral seriousness" is totally worth firing up our BitTorrent client for!

· Linda Hunt Sex Tape! (ytmnd.com)

The "Ashley Dupre Sex Tape" (Verdict: Unlikely, But It's A Decent Blowjob Anyway)

Jonnobot — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:48:46 EDT

Anyone remember a young woman named Ashley Dupre? Yeah, we had to look her up too; it seems that she was sort of famous a while back for sleeping with the President or something and charging him half a million dollars for it. Anyway, someone just sent us a thirty second movie clip of her giving a blowjob and getting splooged all over her chin ... or at least the file name says "AshleyDupreeSexTape.mov", and it said it was her in the subject line of the email that went along with the clip too. Guess that means she really is famous! After all, you know what they say: you're nobody until somebody tries to pass off a sex tape with your name on it. (Actually, we just made that up just now. But feel free to quote us anytime you like.)

Previously: Prostitute's Only Slightly Less Shameful Past Revealed: Was Ashley Dupre A "Girl Gone Wild"?

If we've really sunk so low as to pimp for ...

Jonnobot — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:53:03 EDT

If we've really sunk so low as to ~~pimp for page views~~ get excited about the existence of a Lindsay Lohan sex tape based on one crappy, unintelligible screen grab, there's really not much hope for any of us. Of course, if it turns out the tape actually exists after all, there's even less hope for us too. (egotastic.com)

Breaking: Dark-Haired Woman Likes To Have Sex, Presumably In A City

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:48:45 EDT

OMG, have you guys heard? Charlotte from "Sex And The City" has a sex tape!!1! OK, there's not really a tape: there's just a set of dirty pictures from about five years ago (or so they say), and you only kind of see her face in like two of them. But according to TMZ, a guy who may or may not have dated a famous woman is trying sell naked pictures that he says are her because he saw a trailer for the upcoming "Sex And The City" movie and figured now would be a good time to cash in. Shocking! Of course, no one would ever use a dirty trick like that to drum up subscriptions for an otherwise generic paysite or anything. Or would they?

See what all the hoo-ha is about (as well as whoever's hoo-ha is supposed to be Kristin's) after the jump.

. . .

· "Sex in Kristin's City" (tmz.com)

Until we see more evidence than just a single ...

Jonnobot — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 13:05:27 EDT

Until we see more evidence than just a single screencap, we're sticking by our assertion that that "Kristen Davis Sex Tape" isn't what the people hawking it says it is. Our "Sex And The City"-loving colleagues at Defamer, however, have no such scruples. Bless their pervy hearts. (defamer.com)

Hate to break the news — and not that ...

Jonnobot — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 20:52:43 EDT

Hate to break the news — and not that we've always been 100% correct about these sorts of things before — but if a celebrity sex tape like one purporting to star "Sex And The City"'s Kristen Davis sounds too good to be true (and requires you to sign up for some dodgy pay site to see the rest), it probably is. But you knew all that already, right? (theblemish.com)

Yes, Evanka, It Is A Direct Order: The Joey Buttafuoco Sex Tape

Gram Ponante — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:49:53 EST

"Sit on your cock?" confirms Evanka Buttafuoco in a "secret" sex tape being released Tuesday. "Sounds like a direct order." Well, Direct in the sense that former Amy Fisher romantic interest Joey Buttafuoco is addressing her, but also in the sense that he is addressing us, the audience he knew he'd get. That said, America learned to love again to the strains of the Amy Fisher/Lou Bellera sex tape, so mightn't the magic happen again?

· (joeycaughtontape.com)

Previously: DVD Review: "Amy Fisher Caught on Tape"

(Still More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About) The Gene Simmons Sex Tape: The Plot Thickens

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 17:35:35 EST

To no one's surprise, Gene Simmons has lawyered up and gone knocking at the doors of sites that have reported on a certain sex tape scandal that erupted this week ... including our silicon-headed sibling Valleywag, who have just posted a cease-and-desist letter from his legal team which claims among other things that the tape was surreptitiously filmed by a woman named Traci Anna Koval but that Gene's company "Allied Industry" purchased all the rights to the tape back in 2003 presumably to keep it hush-hush. (Got all that?) However, a "spokesman" for the company currently selling the tape told XBiz earlier this week that it was shot nine months ago ... and that Simmons was completely unaware of its existence. It it possible that someone is not being completely honest here? Shocking! But wait ... there's more!

A little digging reveals that the mysterious Ms. Koval — if that is indeed, the woman in the video — is no stranger to internet nudity: she appears to have done some modeling in the past. (Mostly softcore topless shots, but we all have to start somewhere.) But is she also "Elsa", the Frank's Energy Drink spokesmodel from Austria mentioned on GenesSecret.com? Or is she actually Dutch, like this model directory claims? Or is she none of the above? What is truth, really ... and will we ever know all the answers? (And here you thought we were just trying to get more mileage out of a breaking celebrity sex scandal. Surely you know our motives are more noble than that.)

· "Gene Simmons lawyer confirms sex tape's authenticity" (Valleywag)
· Traci-Anna Koval (hollywoodboobs.com)
· Traci-Anna Koval, American
· Elsa - Frank's Energy Drink (franksenergy.com)
See also:
· "Gene Simmons' secret" (eyeweekly.com)
· "Rock Icon Gene Simmons Stars in Sex Tape?" (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Calling Dr. Love (To Please Euthanize Us): The "Gene Simmons Sex Tape", Gene Simmons Addresses The "Incident"

As much as we tried to forget, we totally ...

Jonnobot — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 11:46:33 EST

As much as we tried to forget, we totally remember seeing these old sex pics of Pamela Anderson and Bret Michaels a while ago ... though it's more interesting to hear that this site also claims to have some uncensored dirty footage from the first two seasons of "Rock Of Love" tucked up its sleeve. (Not like we didn't see that coming a while ago too, but still.) (bretmichaelsbootlegs.com, via xfanz.com/blogs)

Police in Malaysia continue to arrest folks ...

Jonnobot — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 12:45:41 EST

Police in Malaysia continue to arrest folks attempting to sell DVDs featuring that sex scene starring former health minister Chua Soi Lek, which may explain why no one's yet come forth with any reliable links where we can see the damn thing ourselves. Come on, folks—if you're going to go to jail for distributing this stuff, at least make it mean something! (thestar.com.my)

In what sounds like a cruel hoax, but isn't, ...

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 11:53:59 EST

In what sounds like a cruel hoax, but isn't, Red Light District will follow up that Amy Fisher sex video by releasing "Joey Buttafuoco: Caught On Tape" next month. No word on whether or not Joey buttafuocos anyone in this inevitable masterpiece, though we're sure that won't be the last time you hear someone making that joke. (Reuters)

Hot Malaysian Health Minister Sex Tape Action!

Jonnobot — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 11:57:24 EST

It's not every day that we wake up to news about a celebrity sex tape scandal on the front page of the New York Times, but that's exactly what happened today in our post-New Year's hangoverish haze as The Lede reports on the odd case of Malaysian Minister of Health Chua Soi Lek, who resigned his post after somehow becoming the unwitting star of a professionally shot and edited sex romp with a lady friend which was then sold on the street and even sent to some people as junk mail. Unfortunately, looking for videos of disgraced middle-aged Malaysian politicians isn't quite the sort of thing we do our best at first thing in the morning, especially when there's a hangover involved—but as soon as those download links start rolling in, you can bet we'll share them with you. Just because we're not exactly turned on by this sort of thing doesn't mean that someone out there isn't.

· "An Unlikely Celebrity Sex Tape: Malaysian Minister" (NY Times)
· "Dr Chua Soi Lek admits to being the man in sex DVD" (Malaysian Star)

Since you're probably still curious, here ...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 11:45:39 EST

Since you're probably still curious, here are the actual nude images of French swimmer Laure Manaudou that have had swim fans talking. You may come up for air now. (idontlikeyouinthatway.com)

In case you missed bidding on it the last ...

Jonnobot — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 18:51:45 EST

In case you missed bidding on it the last time around, someone else is auctioning off another copy of that vintage "Barbra Streisand" porn film on eBay—this time with a relative bargain starting bid of $1,500 with proceeds going to a legal fund for victims of sexual molestation, (Though if you're feeling that charitable, we'd recommend just donating your money to a worthy cause outright—that was you won't have to watch someone who looks like Barbra Streisand having sex.) (ebay.com)

Jessica Sierra: Fallen Idol (First In A Series)

Gram Ponante — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 18:51:10 EST

Why do people who wouldn't otherwise be sexy suddenly become powerfully so when words like "VH1" and "public intoxication" are linked to their names? The latest pseudo-celeb in the Vivid-Red Light District Shady Sex Tape Broker wars is one-time "American Idol" finalist Jessica Sierra, whose romps with an "unidentified man" are the subject of Vivid's new website (launched today) and DVD on its Celeb imprint.

The pleasantly blowsy Sierra benefits from a lack of clothes in the clips we've seen, and we're hoping that, though she is a minor celeb of the Kim Kardashian variety, that she will stand and deliver more like Amy Fisher.

· Jessica Sierra: Hardcore (jshardcore.com)
· Vivid Video (vivid.com)

Apparently it's no longer possible to break ...

Lux Nightmare — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 11:06:08 EST

Apparently it's no longer possible to break into even the D-list of celebrityhood without having your very own sex tape: TMZ reports that one starring currently beleaguered former American Idol finalist Jessica Sierra will be released later this month. If, like us, you don't watch "American Idol" and had no idea who the hell she was ... well, you will now. (tmz.com)

No, Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz does not have ...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 10:20:14 EST

No, Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz does not have a "sex tape" on YouTube and you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking such a thing. He distributes all his porn via cell phone, thank you very much. (Idolator)

DVD Review: "Amy Fisher Caught on Tape"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 20:36:25 EST

What we want "Amy Fisher: Caught on Tape" to be is a tender document of Married Love. Alas, Fisher and husband Lou Bellera separated soon after this video was made, so the story goes, and now Fisher is reportedly canoodling anew with Joey Buttafuoco, so this video is more like Let It Be, a posthumous snapshot of a once-great relationship.

But, Reader, it is our nation's greatest celebrity sex tape. Read our review after the gap.

Amy Fisher Caught on Tape

Studio: Red Light District
Director: Lou Bellera
Cast: Amy Fisher, Loe Bellera, The Spirit of Long Island

Review by: Gram Ponante

Amy Fisher: Caught on Tape is the greatest celebrity sex tape ever made. It's like an Adam & Eve MILF movie because Fisher is actually a mom and her partner in several scenes, Bellera, is a gray-haired dude in his late fifties, which is central casting fodder for guys in instructional videos. A less sensational title would be "How to Use Viagra And Porn Language to Stimulate Your Ex-Con Trophy Wife".

Fisher is, without a doubt, a porn star. I am still sorting whether she is suing distributor Red Light District for copyright infringement in releasing the video (I bet everything is perfectly legal and that spectral lawsuits make the movie sell faster), but she knew the camera was on, posed, and performed several mainstream porn-worthy scenes regardless of whether she knew how the tape would be distributed.

Because she knew the tape would be distributed.

Who Is Amy Fisher?

Amy Fisher was a 16-year-old high school student when she met married mechanic Joey Buttafuoco in 1991. They began a sexual affair soon after she brought her car to Buttafuoco's Long Island garage and, more than a year later, Fisher shot his wife, Mary Jo, in the face as retaliation for Joey not leaving her for Fisher. Fisher served seven years in prison for this, Mary Jo was disfigured but recovered, and Joey did four months for statutory rape. Later, he and Mary Jo divorced.

Bellera is sometimes credited as a TV producer but I cannot find his name on various TV databases. Regardless, he clearly did his porn homework. Fisher does several porn-standard scenes, including solo, B/G, and light fetish. Whether or not she was a prostitute, she performs like a champ.

Bellera is not the best cameraman or dialogue partner, preferring stationary shots, but he can't be blamed because it's just the two of them and a tripod. But Fisher is clearly the better porn raconteur:

BELLERA: Yeah, baby. Wow! You are so hot. Unbelievable.

Better to just say nothing, Lou. But Fisher has the patter down:

FISHER: I want you to come fuck me. I want your hot come all over my tits.

Sold me. The only way this movie could have been better is if a bonus scene featured Boston's Tyler Faith and Fisher in a porn version of the Red Sox/Mets 1986 World Series.

The next few weeks will reveal whatever sordid or useless stories there are of how the tape came to light, but as a porn movie, Amy Fisher, Caught on Tape is leagues better than the efforts of Screech, Paris, Colin Farrell, Your Mom, Pam Anderson I & II, and Kim Kardashian. It's just delightful that it's not disappointing. I feel like things are finally becoming right again.

Fergie Sex Tape: Humps (And Fergie) Not Included

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 14:00:55 EST

ZOMG, u guys! Fergie is totally a drunk slut who like to touch herself on video! Actually, as believable as that scenario sounds and as "convincing" as this pouty-lipped blingified doppleganger appears, we're pretty sure that an actual sex tape starring the actual Black Eye Peas star would unfold quite differently. Champagne, jewels, slurred words ... ok, it would probably be exactly the same, but we're also not about to shell out hard-earned money to a paysite in order to see the rest of this adventure, since for all we know it's five more minutes of a drunk girl rolling around on a bed before she passes out for the night. The musical sex tape experts at Idolator have their own take, but the bottom line is that you can spend about 10 more seconds on YouPorn and find something better to tune into. Or try MTV. They still show videos, right?

· Stolen fergie sex tape (NOT) (youporn.com)
See also: Fake Fergie Sex Tape: Most Unappealing Fake Sex Tape Ever? (Idolator)

Know Your Norwegian Hotties: Linni Meister

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 12:54:16 EDT

We don't get as many Norwegian babes around these parts as we would like. But maybe the country is smaller than we thought, because all the hot Scandinavian models we've run into seem to be connected somehow. For example, when we first saw these pictures of buxom blonde Linni Meister we initially got her confused with OK boob-haver Lene Alexandra. This turned out to be erroneous, but both Lene and Linni are connected to Miss Norway hopeful/pornstar emeritus Aylar Lie—Lene because of their rumored threeway with a pop star; Linni because she was briefly a member of something called Team Aylar, until the group's namesake booted her out for getting caught in an online sex tape. (Hypocrite says "What"?)

Oh, did we forget to mention the sex tape? You see, Linni's actual claim to fame is doing it with her boyfriend on "Big Brother" (which you can see below.) Don't judge though, because if you can find a quicker route to stardom then fucking someone on a reality TV show, we'd like to hear it.

· Linni Meister - Fucked on Big Brother Norway 2 of 6 (nanolivevideo.com)
· Linni Meister In FHM Norway (boobieblog.com)
· Linni Meister - Big Brother Babe - XXX Tape No 2. (phun.org)
· Random Foreign Babe of the Day: Linni Meister (beyondhollywood.com)

Previously: Lene Alexandra's Boobs Are (More Than Just) OK, Aylar Loves Robbie, Aylar: Pageant Porn Star

Alas, it looks like the British royal involved ...

Fleshbot — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 14:18:52 EDT

Alas, it looks like the British royal involved in that sex tape blackmail scandal isn't Princess Anne after all: Radar is reporting that it's Viscount David Linley, Princess Margaret's son and an uninteresting twelfth in line to the throne, who (a) few people outside of the UK have ever heard of and (b) fewer still want to see doing coke and getting a blowjob. Oh well ... we'll still always have Harry. (radaronline.com)

Royal Family Sex Tape Scandal!

Fleshbot — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 12:45:23 EDT

It is a measure of the ubiquity of sex tapes in today's media landscape that not even members of the British royal family are immune to allegations that they appeared in one—and how powerful the British royal family still is that the identity of the subject in the alleged video is still unknown since the story broke this weekend.

OK, so Buckingham Palace denies that the blackmail plot involves a "senior royal", and at least one dodgy pay site out there is already offering supposed footage of 19-year-old Princess Beatrice to its members (with no preview or other evidence, which is why we're not linking to it) ... but we're still holding out hope that it's Princess Anne who was caught having oral sex on camera and snoting some coke from an envelope. Say what you will about her charitable demeanor and matronly looks, but we bet she's a hellion in the sack.

· "Report: Two arrested over royal blackmail involving alleged sex tape" (newsday.com)
· "Blackmail Of Royal Family Over Alleged Sex Scandal The Talk Of Britain" (citynews.ca)
· "Men at centre of royal blackmail plot named" (uk.reuters.com)
· "Palace denies blackmail victim is 'senior' royal" (theage.com.au)

Vietnamese Sex Tape Is Just Like Paris Hilton's Except ... Not

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 12:49:09 EDT

Vietnam is the latest country to get caught up in sex tape mania, thanks the internet leakage of 19-year-old Hoang Thuy Linh engaged in a bedroom tryst with a rather excitable young man. The media is calling it a "Paris Hilton moment," which it totally is except that instead of vaulting an obscure rich kid with no other discernible talents on to the international stage, it has taken an actual celebrity and destroyed her life.

Linh was already well-known in her country for playing a virginal school girl on television, but now her show is canceled and experts say the public may never forgive her for her transgression. (The dude who taped it and let his friends watch is totally off the hook, of course.) We'd suggest that she find a similarly privileged, but airheaded friend to travel around the country with in order to cash in on the sensation, but if "The Simple Life 3" is the price we have to pay for a sexually liberated society, maybe a tiny bit of puritanism wouldn't be such a bad thing.

· Hoang Thuy Linh Sex Tape (shufuni.com, via poonholics.com)
· Vietnam Is Having Paris Hilton Moment (ap.google.com)

Is This Meg White's Icky Thump?

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 12:56:18 EDT

So the star of this amateur sex video that's just been handed to us is pretty good looking (for a girl), but is it really indie rock's favorite backbeat drummer Meg White of The White Stripes playing the skins? Naturally, we turned to the expert opinion of musical sex tape correspondent and family Idolator, Maura Johnston ...

I don't think it's her. not because the woman in the tape actually has rhythm [Ed. - Zing!] ... but because it doesn't really look like her at all. Also she's a big pop star, do you really think that she'd get it on in what looks to be a dorm room?

Fair enough. But the lady in question does have black hair, big tits, and it would explain the "acute anxiety" that caused the cancellation of her tour—which come to think of it are also the exact same excuses we would have used to verify the Britney Spears tape that never was. On second thought, maybe we just have the wrong pop star.

- - -

— White Stripes Drummer Sex Tape? (PornoTube)
· "Meg White's So-Called Sex Tape Gives Hacky Bloggers Yet Another Reason To Use The Phrase 'Icky Thump'" (Idolator; see also commentary @ Brooklyn Vegan, Stereogum, and Oh No They Didn't!)

Update(s) A reader notes the resemblance between whoever's in this video and porn starlet Natasha Nice ... and another helpfully reminds everyone that the clip has been floating around the interweb for at least two weeks now as just another random amateur porn video, as posted on Post Your Girls (scroll down to September 12) and here. Moral: labelling a random amateur porn clip with the name of a celebrity does not a real celebrity sex video make, kids!

* * * * *

Previously: You'll Be Shocked To Learn Who's In This Sex Tape (Assuming You've Heard Of Her, That Is), VH1's "Rock Of Love" Porn Star?, BREAKING: Britney Spears Sex Tape, Maybe

The Philippines is apparently being overrun ...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 14:22:52 EDT

The Philippines is apparently being overrun by fake sex tapes feature celebrity "look alikes." If they're as dull and obnoxious as most of the "real celebrity" sex tapes we've seen recently, we hope they lock up these heartless thugs and throw away the key. (globalnation.inquirer.net)

This just in: Jennifer "Toastee" Toof isn't ...

Fleshbot — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 14:00:20 EDT

This just in: Jennifer "Toastee" Toof isn't a pornstar ... she's a lady. Which isn't too much of a surprise, come to think of it—after watching that sex video she made with her ex-boyfriend, we already knew calling her a "porn star" was a bit of a stretch. (xfanz.com)