Given the fact that we were all treated to the sight of him pissing into houseplant on that VH1 reality show a few years ago, we guess this had to happen eventually: Famous tiny person Verne Troyer, best known to audience until this point as Mini-Me from the Austin Powers movies, has gone and made himself his very own sex tape. (Yes kids, even dwarves make bad decisions sometimes.) SugarDVD has reportedly offered $100,000 for the tape—but unless they get Troyer's consent, none of us will get to see just how else Verne likes to get freaky. While you're (not) waiting to see how it all pans out, we invite you to watch this alternate reality version of how things might look. We know it's not the real thing, but it's the closest we could find for now ... and maybe the closest you'll ever want to get.

Our not-so-secret crush on pint-sized thespian and Tylenol commercial voiceover artist Linda Hunt has been documented here before, but never in a million years did we ever think we'd be treated to a nearly three minute clip of this particular object of our affection being pleasured by a strapping young buck on the top of a kitchen counter. You can keep your washed-up pop tarts and chick show television starlets: when it comes to fap material, one starring an Academy Award-winning performer who shot to fame for her crossgender portrayal of a "Chinese-Australian dwarf of high intelligence and moral seriousness" is totally worth firing up our BitTorrent client for!

· Linda Hunt Sex Tape! (ytmnd.com)

The "Ashley Dupre Sex Tape" (Verdict: Unlikely, But It's A Decent Blowjob Anyway)

OMG, have you guys heard? Charlotte from "Sex And The City" has a sex tape!!1! OK, there's not really a tape: there's just a set of dirty pictures from about five years ago (or so they say), and you only kind of see her face in like two of them. But according to TMZ, a guy who may or may not have dated a famous woman is trying sell naked pictures that he says are her because he saw a trailer for the upcoming "Sex And The City" movie and figured now would be a good time to cash in. Shocking! Of course, no one would ever use a dirty trick like that to drum up subscriptions for an otherwise generic paysite or anything. Or would they?

See what all the hoo-ha is about (as well as whoever's hoo-ha is supposed to be Kristin's) after the jump.

"We were somebody else's guest," Evanka Buttafuoco said of the illicit documentation of her cavorting with her husband, Joey. "We're a little freakier when we're at home."

While the story behind the release of the second sex tape in three months from two thirds of the players in 1992's "Long Island Lolita" scandal is hard to believe, history (at least theirs) teaches that truth is often stranger than fiction.

Yes, Evanka, It Is A Direct Order: The Joey Buttafuoco Sex Tape

"Sit on your cock?" confirms Evanka Buttafuoco in a "secret" sex tape being released Tuesday. "Sounds like a direct order." Well, Direct in the sense that former Amy Fisher romantic interest Joey Buttafuoco is addressing her, but also in the sense that he is addressing us, the audience he knew he'd get. That said, America learned to love again to the strains of the Amy Fisher/Lou Bellera sex tape, so mightn't the magic happen again?

· (joeycaughtontape.com)

Previously: DVD Review: "Amy Fisher Caught on Tape"