· We've haven't seen Daisy Fuentes in awhile, maybe because she's too busy getting drunk in the ocean. She's definitely no sea cow. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Let's say you open a salon where scantily-clad ladies cut hair in sexy outfits. Well, this is the worst that can happen. (alliednews.com)

· Hooters is now 25 years old, so come on down and bring the kids!. When they say one big happy family, they mean it. (ajc.com)

· Some Malaysians don't mind the sports car racing, but aren't so keen on the ever-present racing babes. Sorry, you can't have one without the other. (thestar.com.my)

· Nudist recreation is now more popular than golf or tennis. Probably because you don't have to wear those ugly shirts. (azcentral.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Michelle Marsh will have to get back to you soon, because she has quite a lot on her hands right now. (hollywoodtuna.com + egotastic.com)

· LAist was not impressed by Erotica LA. What was the problem? Too many pornstars or not enough shoulder stink? (laist.com)

· What's the weirdest part of this story? That male and female inmates are housed side-by-side, that they were able cut a hole in their cell walls so they could "join" each other, or that prisoners apparently have unlimited access to pancake batter? That last bit doesn't make it as kinky as it should be, either. (newsday.com)

· We don't care what you're selling, there's no such thing as a gratuitous bikini model. (copyranter.blogspot.com)

· Carrie Underwood and Kevin Eubanks are the world's sexiest vegetarians, but we still don't understand how could anyone turn down a piece of hot beef. (chron.com)

· Internet speeds in the US lag far behind other industrialized nations. It's hard to sleep at night knowing our porn should be arriving faster than it is. (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Believe it or not, we don't have any photos of a famous celebrity on a beach in a bikini today. (Did they close the ocean or something?) So here's Vida Guerra in her underwear instead. We hope you can forgive us. (dailypoa.com)

· A man in England was arrested for having sex with a bike. Don't ask us ... we don't know how that would work either. (sundaymail.co.uk)

· Good news for those of you about to be sent to prison in Sweden—you can still get porn while you're in there. We'll send you some cookies, too. (thelocal.se)

· Art helps explains why "naked" and "nude" are not the same thing. They both involve tits though, right? (telegraph.co.uk)

· It's ok to use condoms for disease prevention, but don't tell anyone that they also prevent pregnancy. Because that's the kind of thing you should figure out through trial and error. (nytimes.com, via shakewellbeforeuse.com)

· Britain wants to adopt a ratings system for the internet, since the one they have for movies works so well. We'll hold open the exit door for you. (contractoruk.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Demi Moore's is careful to cover her head, but can't be bothered to cover her nipples. We think she made the right decision. (egotastic.com)

· A city attorney steals a work laptop carrying important legal documents? Big deal. The laptop is filled with porn, you say? Sound the media alarm! (rockymountainnews.com)

· New Jersey wants to put a "porn zone" for adult businesses near the Meadowlands Sports Complex and based on the quotes from concerned citizens, they are also planning to place this zone in the 1950s. If they have their "druthers," that is. (northjersey.com)

· There are a lot of ways to get hurt on the job, but a sex worker getting workman's comp after the client who hired her drove their car in to a gully is a pretty unique one. (nzherald.co.nz)

· An infection chain is redirecting several hundred pornography URLs to Mpack tool kit servers which uses a FRAME manager to automate malware attacks from compromised domains. Go find a nerd and have him explain that to you. (computerworld.com)

· In a delightful twist on your typical air rage incident, an Indian man took off all his clothes and danced in the aisles of a Thai Airways flight. It's was probably better than whatever crappy movie they were showing. (bangkokpost.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Keeley Hazell has returned to class the joint up a little bit. We could use a little refinement, actually. (thumblogger.com)

· Even though China has officially "banned" them, Chinese-language porn sites are still raking in the dough. It's almost like the internet has a mind of it's own. (pcw.co.uk)

· Would you like to read the "filthiest criminal complaint ever filed"? Who knew the FBI had such nasty writers? (thesmokinggun.com)

· NPR commentator Frank DeFord says if "feather-brained" men had their sports pages taken away, they'd probably just turn their attention to porn. Yikes ... hopefully those Deadspin commenters can't figure out where we are. (newsbusters.org)

· Why would people get so angry with Family Video for having a back-room adult section? Oh, right ... the whole "family" thing. (dailyherald.com)

· A "hillside artist" is painting a "tasteful nude" on the grass alongside Hwy. 20 in Oregon. In other news, car crashes and traffic jams will soon shut down Hwy. 20 in Oregon. (kgw.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Who is Natasha Hamilton? She probably sings or something, but let's face it ... topless beach pictures are the real music to our ears. Or eyes. Whatever. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· The Brazilian soccer community is up in arms over the news that a female referee will pose for Playboy. We're shocked too—Brazilian soccer has female referees? (news.com.au)

· Finally, here's one airline confirmation code you'll never have to write down. (Boing Boing)

· Rooftop sex sounds exciting, but please take precautions or you'll end up like this unfortunate couple. (Classy headline by the way, Boston Herald.) (wistv.com + bostonherald.com)

· Why would China possibly want to censor Flickr? Oh, right ... that whole Tiananmen Square thing. (cnn.com)

· Searching for porn is no longer a ticket to a computer infected with malware. Searching for unicorns? You're on your own. (informationweek.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Joanna Krupa is a Polish model starring in an Australian magazine, which might make some Americans question their own patriotism. Should we get the U.N. involved? (dailypoa.com)

· A new study says that when shown pictures of couples having sex, men stare at women's faces and it's the women who stare at the naughty bits. We don't know how they figured this out, but those scientists might want to check their machines. (forbes.com)

· Oh noes!!1! A local weathergirl traffic reporter may have posed nude for Playboy six years ago! What will all the little traffic fans think! (postchronicle.com)

· We're all in favor of masturbation, but when you persist in doing it after being stabbed, it might be time to admit you have a problem. (theage.com.au)

· A judge orders a California strip club to stop offering nude dancing. Can you order a rainbow to stop being colorful? (knbc.com)

· Not surprisingly, most parents would support new limits on sex and violence in the media, but they've also deluded themselves into thinking that they know what they're kids are watching. They're so adorable at this age, aren't they? (cnn.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Meet Sarita Stella, yet another Australian model for you to keep an eye on. We might need a scorecard to keep them all straight. (dailypoa.com)

· Could Riga, Latvia, become the next Bangkok? We hear their Thai restaurants aren't that good, actually. (theage.com.au)

· A female bomoh (or shaman) in Malaysia is causing a bit of a stir with her unusual "healing methods." We don't see what the problem is—nude dancing usually works great for our headaches. (thestar.com.my)

· In case you haven't noticed, Americans are a little uptight about nude bodies. Plus, we wrap our cheese in those crazy individual slices. (pittsburghlive.com)

· When even an innocent search for a job turns up "gay sexual things", you know that teh internets cannot be trusted. (kern.org)

· It doesn't get much hotter than trading anal sex for a nice set of vertical blinds. Welcome to married life! (Jezebel)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· First Lucy Pinder is naked, then she's not, then she is, then she's not again. All this back and forth is making us dizzy. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· Does porn make society more misogynistic or does a misogynistic society get the porn it deserves? Only the makers of "Donkey Punch" know for sure. (imprint.uwaterloo.ca)

· Good news! "Mooning" is not considered indecent exposure in Salem, Oregon, although maybe strippers should keep their shows inside the strip club just for safety's sake. (katu.com)

· A woman says she was hired by "political enemies" to seduce the mayor of Jackson, Tennessee, and get it all on film. Who says local politics isn't exciting? (jacksonsun.com)

· Back in our day, we would have never broken into our high school and put porn on our teacher's computers. Probably because when we were in high school, computers hadn't been invented yet. (mainetoday.com)

· Are you looking for a foolproof, software-free method that will help you avoid internet porn? Try throwing your computer out the window and never going online again. (washingtonpost.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It's a virtual certainty that we'll be writing about Gemma Atkinson's bikini calendar come December, but you can get a preview of it right now. Try to guess which suit will be October. (dailypoa.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· Two adult DVD distributors get busted for obscenity, because of the movies they sell, "none of the three films has a plot line." If that's the standard for arrest, why are the makers of "Fantastic Four" still walking the streets? (sltrib.com)

· Even rich and powerful people get destroyed by porn, which is weird because you'd think they could pay someone to destroy their life for them. (denverpost.com)

· Harry Reems looks back on the good old days of alcohol and homelessness. Oh wait ... yeah, he's probably much better off now. (channel4.com)

· Breaking: Men and women learn a lot about the opposite sex when they date one member of it for an extended period of time. They also learn how to fight over morning bathroom privileges. (gainesville.com)

· A judge orders man not to have girlfriend for the next three years. A) You can do that? B) We have some material that might help him through this tough time. (ap.org)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· This is either Petra Nemcova topless on a runway or someone doesn't know how to handle their crayons. Actually, it might be both. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Porn-for-Father's-Day.com sounds like an awesome place to get gift ideas, but it's really just a scam put on by the ironically-named, anti-porn XXX Church. Those guys are more sinister than that Nigerian king who was going to give me all his money. (kentucky.com)

· A naked couple gets cited for "embracing" while driving. So is that what the kids are calling blowjobs these days? (thenewstribune.com)

· A woman is Seattle is running for city council so she can put a stop to nude statues. Crime, taxes and all that boring stuff will have to wait. (seattleweekly.com)

· News flash: Women like to watch porn too. It's like we're having déjà vu or something. (metro.co.uk)

· The Canadian town of Delta wants to ban all adult entertainment. The citizens are still allowed to think about sex, right? (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Venzeulan beauty queen Aida Yespica puts on quite a show, especially when she isn't wearing a shirt. She should still learn to use her hands more. (dailypoa.com)

· A moratorium on new strip clubs in Seattle has finally been lifted after 18 years. Seattle's 18-year-olds will never know what they were missing. (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

· Meanwhile, Cleveland's mayor want to build a "strip club district", where horny bachelor party attendees can gather en masse. We hope there are enough $1 bills to go around. (cleveland.com)

· A new survey says that carpenters and other "tradies" do better than white collar workers when it comes to getting dates, although we think the investment bankers and their million dollar bonuses do alright for themselves. (news.com.au)

· Italian sex bomb Monica Bellucci says that "Beauty has no laws," which is too bad because her body should be illegal.

· Art folks are buzzing over the painting of a naked lady found underneath a famous Australian masterpiece. Boy, everybody has to keep their boobie pictures hidden, don't they? (news.com.au)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· When you're Kelly Brook, summer is not a vacation—it's bikini calendar photoshoot season. She makes a lot of sacrifices for her art. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· Speaking of bikini season, beach volleyball is back! Just think of all the ass you'll get to drool over between now and Labor Day. (hateon.blogspot.com)

· We have a lot of fun with those Maxim Hot 100 lists, but some girls don't take so kindly to being graded like produce. Especially when they're aren't graded high enough. (theshowbizshow.com)

· Rachel Kramer Bussel asks "Is There Such a Thing as 'Porn for Women?' They're in pretty much all the porn we see ... what else do you need? (huffingtonpost.com)

· We guess naked women bathing in milk and honey isn't standard operating practice in Pittsburgh. Too bad for them. (post-gazette.com)

· New Jersey joins the list of states looking to clamp down on strip clubs and adult stores. We guess that makes all of them. (avn.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· A filly may have won the big horse race this weekend, but Michelle Marsh would prefer to be the one doing the riding. Is she hiring stable boys? (dailypoa.com)

· The Australian Government issued a warning to Penthouse for publishing photos that "emphasized genitals," to which Penthouse replied, "Umm ... duh?" (xbiz.com)

· The New York State Bar Association was all excited to have a "sexual empowerment consultant" speak at their divorce lawyer meeting, until they found out she was ex-pornstar Sydnee Steele. What exactly did they think a "sexual empowerment consultant" does? (wsj.com)

· A few museum patrons were quite upset to learn that Marilyn Monroe once posed for naked photos. Wait until they hear about what happened to President Kennedy. (wkyc.com + daytondailynews.com)

· Brooklyn, Missouri, is the little town that could—thanks to four strip clubs, a massage parlor and an adult bookstore that keep the place alive. It's just like the movie "It's A Wonderful Life," isn't it? (stltoday.com)

· What if they gave out adult awards and none of the winners came to pick them up? Can they still put them on their mantle? (adultfyi.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· When Jenny McCarthy goes to the beach, there's a pretty good chance you're going to see some nipples. Of course, you get to see Jim Carrey's nipples too, but that's the price you have to pay. (celebslam.com)

· If you would like to see the nude parts of the angel painting at this London gallery, you have to ask nicely. Of course, then everyone will know about your angel fetish, but that's the price you have to pay. (news.bbc.co.uk)

· Women are from Venus, men are just trying to get laid. Let's all work together, people. (theglobeandmail.com)

· A teaching candidate is having trouble getting a job because of his "association" with porn. He was also somehow involved with the FBI, which might be more damaging to his credibility. (xbiz.com)

· Fertility rates are way up in the UK, which can only be good news for the booming MILF industry. (guardian.co.uk)

· The wizards behind the "Creation Museum" are a little peeved to learn that the guy playing Adam in the Garden of Eden is a fan of drag queens and free love. Also, it turns out that he was not actually made out of dust. (sfgate.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Katie "Jordan" Price is a loose woman. What? She's the one planning to get her hoo-ha tightened after her baby is born. Was that more than you needed to know? (celebnewswire.com + tmz.com; thumbnail via taxidrivermovie.com)

· President Bush's new Surgeon General nominee is a good doctor. He even knows how the boy parts and girl parts fit together! (abcnews.go.com)

· June is National Internet Safety Month, so try not to slip and fall while surfing the web in the shower or something. (blorge.com)

· USA Today scrambles to keep up with The New York Times, and their story about the internet vs. DVDs. We're starting to think porn isn't the only business that's in trouble. (usatoday.com)

· Does porn really empower women? Again, with the Naked News! The internet does have more than one website, you know. (scrippsnews.com)

· Kanye West is so upset about missing the AVN Awards, he wrote a song about it. Imagine how distraught he would be if he'd actually been there. (avn.com)

· Go to an illegal porn theater in India, get free condoms. Everybody wins ... except for the people who will probably get busted for running an illegal porn theater. (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Newspapers and websites appeal to the lowest common denominator and use cheap, tawdry tactics to grab attention. In other news, look at these tits! (brisbanetimes.com.au)

· No, really: look at these tits. Though the asses ain't bad either. (Michelle Marsh and Lindsey Anne Strutt @ dailyniner.com)

· An elementary school discovers the hard way that their educational videos were recorded over someone's used porn tapes. That's just good recycling. (wsls.com)

· Since the weather is finally pleasant around here, how about some nude gardening? Your thumb won't be the only thing that's green ... wink, wink. (earthtimes.org)

· A New York man is suing the makers of a health drink because he says it gave him a permanent erection. To be fair, it was called Boost Plus. (news.com.au)

· Letter to the Editor of the Day: "Our culture is on the skids!" You say that like it's a bad thing. (mainetoday.com)

· Remember the "Rad Girls"? Well, they may think subway pole dancing is a great "prank," but it's a lot tamer than what we saw on our commute this morning. Don't worry, they still managed to work farting in there. (maximonline.com)

* * * * *
Thumbnail boobies courtesy Ashley Robbins (bustycafe.net)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Congratulations, fellow countrymen: "Americans are the greatest downloaders of porn." U.S.A.! U.S.A.! (news.com.au)

· It's okay though, because music websites are a much greater security risk to your computer than porn websites, mostly due to the increased chance you'll accidentally download the new Linkin Park album. (earthtimes.org)

· Michelle Marsh is doing whatever it is Michelle Marsh does, which naturally involves some kind of bikini. It's what some people like to call a comfort zone. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· What's the best way to let British Prime Minister Tony Blair know what you think of his foreign policy? Why, a nude drawing of him and his wife, of course. It's better than writing a letter. (upi.com)

· Prostitutes in Vancouver need safer places to live and work. Have they tried Seattle? (cbc.ca)

· It could be worse—they could be in South Africa where workers there say they are too tired to even have sex. On a completely unrelated note, are bloggers allowed to go on strike? (reuters.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Is Brooke Burke supposed to look like this just a few weeks after having had a baby? She must have had her skin replaced by spandex. (hollywoodtuna.com + egotastic.com + drunkenstepfather.com)

· Spencer Tunick shot yet another series of mass nude portraits in Amsterdam this weekend just a few weeks after his gigantic spectacle in Mexico. Give the naked people a rest, will ya? (cbc.ca + tv3.co.nz)

· Speaking of nude photos, portraits of Kate Moss in the buff were auctioned off for £185,000, which is roughly 184,950 pounds more than her body weight. (femalefirst.co.uk)

· Larry Flynt wants the dirt on your local Congressman ... again. Has anyone noticed that this guy is kind of obsessed with sex? (tvguide.com)

· Are you or someone you know suffering from that most horrible of afflictions: sleep sex? How are you supposed to brag about all the nookie you're getting if you can't even remember it? (foxnews.com + usnews.com)

· Man, Google really is trying to take over the world. Even Ceiling Cat has been assimilated. (erosblog.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We were wondering whatever became of Lara and the porn company that stole her online photos, until Violet Blue got some answers using ... what's the word? Oh, right ... journalism. We'll have to try that sometime. (sfgate.com)

· Breaking: Pornstars seen partying in Los Angeles to celebrate the release of Winkytiki's "Man's Ruin". What will they think of next? (laist.com; more @ Flickr)

· A contestant on the UK version of "The Apprentice" has been conveniently "caught" having sex in a field with a married man. It's almost like she went on a reality show just for the publicity! (dailymail.co.uk)

· Did you know that 2.4% of all pornstars use the world Lexus in their names? And Toyota would like a word with them? (freep.com)

· Everyone thinks it's cute when a guy dressed as Elvis runs for city council and promises to turn the town square into a nudist swimming pool. Until he wins, that is. (stuff.co.nz)

· Lubbock County, Texas, is made safe for nude dancing once again. We wonder if the Lone Ranger had anything to do with it. (kcbd.com)

· Have you noticed that sex is like ... everywhere these days? Yeah, us neither. (winnipegsun.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· If all race car driver wives celebrated their husbands winning the Indianapolis 500 the way Ashley Judd does, we think the sport might have a few more fans. (kawaiiwood.blogspot.com + taxidrivermovie.com)

· This just in: Female celebrities like to talk about their breasts and journalists like to write about them. And public relations is usually such a classy affair. (10zenmonkeys.com)

· Philanthropic geeks set up proxy servers to share their web connections with people in countries where the internet is censored. Apparently, there's a problem with that and we'll give you one guess what it is. (forbes.com)

· A church organist is forced to choose between her parish and her day job selling sex toys. Some people just have to answer to a higher calling. (jsonline.com, via sexuality.about.com)

· Another naughty webcam housewife done in by zoning ordinances. Remember to have all naughty house permits in order before you move in. (cincinnati.com)

· Adult bookstores are not a place where people can go to have rampant, unprotected sex. Ok, maybe this one in Nashville was, but that's probably the only one. (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· If there was a swimsuit competition for former beauty contestants, Danielle Lloyd would clearly be the front runner. (latenightpictures.com)

· A shocking new survey reveals that most of the people who look at porn are not shocked and horrified by it. We guess we're just not trying hard enough. (stuff.co.nz)

· Details magazine would like you to jerk off more in the office. Wait, you're not allowed to do that work? (men.style.com)

· Pop star (pixie? ragamuffin?) Lily Allen got thrown out of school for giving blowjobs to her classmates. You're supposed to save those for college so you can give them to your professors. (femalefirst.co.uk)

· Here's a brief recap of the Center for Sex and Culture's "Sex Hacks" show, complete with live electro-stim buttplug excitement. Everyone who was there is still buzzing about it. (theregister.co.uk)

· There's nothing wrong with having a shoe fetish, but stealing 1,500 pairs of them might be going a little too far. Maybe switch to something easier, like stamp collecting. (rgj.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Kelly Brook honors Memorial Day by remembering to shoot photos for her new bikini calendar. Like your barbeque was so special? (toxicmagazine.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· These Linux boobies have inspired us to try out our new pickup line at the next IT conference: "So are you open source or are you just happy to see me?" Ok, it might need some work. (fakesteve.blogspot.com, via computerworld.co.nz)

· According to a new study, 44% of nurses say their sex lives are negatively affected by the stress of their jobs. Fortunately, the rest will be appearing in "Sponge Bath Sluts 37" later this year. (bbc.co.uk)

· Kotaku tracks down the "accidental nudity" that's holding up the Windows Vista Halo 2 release. It sounded better in theory than it actually is in real life. (Kotaku)

· Maybe if Delta Air Lines had always broadcast HBO shows—complete with nudity—as the in-flight entertainment, then they might never have gone bankrupt. (azcentral.com)

· In case you weren't already aware, cyberporn is ruining your life. Sorry we had to do this to you. (brisbanetimes.com.au)

· How can you tell if Hong Kong has changed after ten years of Chinese rule? A nude photo contest of course! That's the answer to everything. (gulf-daily-news.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Here's some homemade video footage of Lindsay Lohan dancing on tables and taking her clothes off at a strip club. Oh, wait ... it's from her next movie. The script must have written itself! (egotastic.com)

· That Tennessee trooper who collided with Barbie Cummings' hummer on the highway has officially been fired. But what a way to go, huh? (abcnews.go.com)

· Does anybody else suddenly have the urge to go to Hardee's all of a sudden? (hardees.com, via adrants.com)

· Next month's G8 Summit will be held at a German resort that includes a nude beach. Let's hope our president doesn't take diplomatic advice from this guy. (newsmax.com)

· The makers of video game shoot 'em up Halo 2 are reportedly delaying the release of their Windows Vista version due to uncontrollable nudity. Animation wants to be free! (dailytech.com)

· A survey of sex satisfaction surveys shows that 97% of Americans don't learn shit from sex surveys. (washingtonpost.com, via about.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We had a dream last night that we went to the beach and Lucy Pinder, Sophie Howard and Michelle Marsh were all just hanging out in their bikinis. Too bad that could never happen in real life. (latenightpictures.com)

· Finally, the weather is warm enough that college students can hold their weekly sweatshop protests in the nude. No, we don't miss college at all. Why do you ask? (kcbs.com)

· Want to learn more about cougars, the MILF's sexy single sister? Too bad reading about them in a local newspaper kinda lowers the naughtiness factor. (fortwayne.com)

· If Seattle allows nude runs and nude bike rides, they should make provisions for nude swims at the public pool as well. How else are you supposed to train for your nude triathlon? (komotv.com)

· Once that's taken care of Seattle will finally be able to focus on the greatest threat to the city's welfare: freak dancing at high school proms. (No, we don't miss high school either.) (seattleweekly.com)

· Microsoft is working on technology that can identify your name, age, gender and location just by looking at your web browsing history—which doesn't really worry us too much since ours is already beyond all hope of redemption anyway, (newscientisttech.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Nell McAndrew celebrates the end of the European football (sorry, soccer) season with a patriotic bikini show. You know, the sport really is more exciting than we Americans want to admit. (sexypix.thumblogger.com)

· Speaking of cultural differences, another American tourist ruins it for the rest of us by wandering around Germany naked and acting like he didn't know any better. Wow, we really can be obnoxious, can't we? (iol.co.za)

· "Disciplined" firefighters were "tied up" but still managed to "whip" the blaze into submission after a bondage parlor catches fire. Someone at that newspaper had a fun day at work. (theage.com.au)

· Are we crazy or are the new girls dishing about pubic hair in their very first week? We knew with a name like Jezebel that they had to be a little bit dirty. (Just don't muscle in on our turf!) (Jezebel)

· Conservatives think the porn industry is in bed with the MPAA. They'd probably find that amusing, if this story hadn't been given a NC-17 rating. (avn.com)

· Can working at a sex shop in Texas really get you registered as a sex offender? Only if you're doing it right, apparently. (familybadge.org)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Pamela Anderson made good use of her visit to the Cannes Film Festival. These bikini poses are timely and efficient. (egotastic.com)

· A rare species of rabbit named after Hugh Hefner may die out before he does. Have they tried moving them in with three hot blond babes? That seems to help with longer life. (ap.org)

· Police are desperately searching for two hardened criminals who stole one box of condoms from Sears. We think being featured in the most ridiculous Crime Stoppers alert ever is punishment enough. (thesmokinggun.com)

· The good news: The hooker you meet on Craigslist while visiting New York from out of town is actually two girls. The bad news: They're both there to beat you up and take all your money. And people you meet on the internet are usually so trustworthy. (nydailynews.com)

· Today's rock and roll urban legend that just might be true: Mick Jagger's bee stinger penis enlargement trick. Do you think that's also how Puff Daddy got his name? (eontarionow.com)

· China throws a blogger in jail for posting explicit stories on his site. The World Wide Web: Bringing democracy to you! (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Behold the only survivor of the recent Griffith Park fire in L.A. Is it divine providence, or further proof that porn cannot be destroyed? (laist.com)

· The return of Melita Toniolo has already brightened our day. Hot Italian babes have a way of doing that. (latenightpictures.com)

· Mobile adult content has arrived ... and it will kill your children! And you thought cellphone radiation was bad. (walb.com)

· Don't click on the new OpenOffice computer worm, even though it downloads a picture of a man having sex in a bunny suit. We can always dig up more of those for you if that's your thing. (itnews.com.au)

· Of course, some people are so eager to get their machine infected that they'll literally accept an open invitation. Even the people who fell for the Britney sex tape aren't that gullible. (xbiz.com)

· There's a reason that stripper poles belong in the strip club and not at home. Leave this stuff to the professionals, kids. (gigglesugar.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We can't think of a better way to start your week than these new Sophie Howard pictures from Maxim UK. It's almost like she knew that Monday was here. (dailypoa.com)

· Flickr seems to be having some problems with its new censorship system. Then again, those Disneyland photos aren't for sensitive eyes. (laist.com)

· Shanghai makes its pitch to be the sex capital of the world. If you've got enough free time to brag about it, you probably aren't it. (mainichi-msn.co.jp, via shanghaiist.com)

· Julie Amero—of the famous pop-up porn case—will finally get closure ... in June. Maybe. If her sentencing is not postponed again, like it was on Friday. At this rate, her sentence will be over before she even knows what it is. (courant.com)

· Watch your wallet at your local nude "spa" because the business is not responsible for lost items or armed robbers who clean the place out while you're wearing nothing but a towel. (al.com)

· Need something to do this summer? Why not send yourself to an all-nude sex camp in Wisconsin? We hear their arts and crafts program is amazing. (lacrossetribune.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· The Daily Show takes a hard-hitting look at NILF hunting. That's "News I'd Like to Fuck." We had no idea that cable news was so nasty. (ifilm.com)

· New York City cabs—and the paparazzi—get the best of Dita Von Teese. That skirt was was probably coming off soon anyway, so what's the harm in looking up it? (dlisted.com)

· We're no fashion experts, but we think Karolina Kurkova might have her dress on backwards or something. Is lace supposed to go there? (drunkenstepfather.com)

· What if you put up nude statues all over London and no one really noticed? Is it still art? (thisislondon.co.uk)

· Asking young students to write an essay about fellatio doesn't really sound like a punishment to us. It sounds more like a day job. (edmontonsun.com)

· A lingerie company asks women to vote with their bras ... literally. If you have implants does that count as voter fraud? (shakewellbeforeuse.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Rebecca Romijn is a terrible underwear pitchwoman. Who can pay attention to what she's wearing when all we can think about is how she looks when she takes it off? (dailypoa.com)

· Britney Spears, however, may singlehandedly be bringing the whole stripper bra and see through shirt look back for a whole new generation. If it ever really went away in the first place. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Imagine how excited we were to find a link for a book called "Handjob." Imagine how disappointed we were once we clicked on this. We feel so manipulated. (midwestisbest.com)

· New airport x-ray machines reveal everything, yet somehow the results are not the least bit sexy. We must work to improve this technology! (theage.com.au)

· A organization in India wants sex workers to learn yoga because it helps relieve stress and keeps the mind and body sharp. There may be some benefits for the sex workers, too. (hindustantimes.com)

· Now that spring weather has finally arrived, Vermonters can go back to arguing over their state's public nudity laws. Debates are more fun when you can hold them outside. (bostonherald.com + reformer.com)

· Nudists fight for their right to use the local wave pool. Surf City, here we come! (surreyleader.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Jessica Alba is already working on a plan to move up to No. 1 on next year's Hot 100 list. We would say these GQ pictures make her the early frontrunner. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· Meanwhile, Avril Lavigne focuses her self-promotional efforts on the cover of the new issue of Blender. Hey, it's an even longer way to No. 1 from No. 15, so we guess she can use all the help she can get. (egotastic.com)

· Seems like the sex in that Marilyn Manson video is a little too real for some people. We're still traumatized about it even if it turns out to be fake, so what does it matter? (mtv.com)

· The domain Porn.com has been sold for over $9.5 million. "DirtPipeMilkshakeMILFs.com", however, is still available for a much lower price—so don't give up your hopes of being an online smut mogul just yet. (sys-con.com)

· Presidential candidate Mitt Romney did not have sex with his wife before they were married. Don't we all feel a little safer now? (mineralwellsindex.com)

· A business owner hopes to take her fight against Alabama's sex toy ban to the Supreme Court, mostly because she wants to hear John Paul Stevens say the word "dildos." (montgomeryadvertiser.com + xbiz.com)

· A New York state legislator proposes that exotic dancers be required to have a license to strip. It sounds like some people should need a license to govern. (avn.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Jessica Alba goes back to work, which basically just means standing around and looking really hot. Stand back ... she's a professional! (egotastic.com)

· Meanwhile, Kate Middleton gets over her breakup with Prince William by letting photographers aim their cameras up her skirt. Hey, it worked for Britney. (celebpixx.blogspot.com)

· German researchers discover that sexual frustration is a vicious downward cycle that leads directly to your parent's basement. (spiegel.de)

· Helpful tourist maps will show you where to find the local shrine to the Virgin Mary, and also where to pick up some lube and condoms for the ride home. Just because she was a virgin, doesn't mean you have to be. (reuters.com)

· How do baseball pitchers get rewarded for their first Major League win? Nude locker room hugs, of course. Those road trips can get lonely sometimes. (sfgate.com)

· A Swedish college student gets reprimanded by her university for posing nude in a magazine, so turns the whole school into even higher authorities. Wait, you can do that? (upi.com)

· Adult company Private Media reports that 50% of its sales now come from "new media." Uh, isn't that supposed to mean the interweb or something? (avn.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We had no idea, but baseball is a filthy, filthy game. Are you going to let them talk about your mother that way? (firejoemorgan.com)

· American Apparel is the perfect clothing to get yourself off in. 'Tis the season. (copyranter.blogspot.com)

· Beijing hands out a harsh new penalty for Chinese websites that display porn—they must offer a heartfelt apology. Sending a nice bouquet of flowers wouldn't hurt either. (chinatechnews.com)

· Website owners discover the shocking secret that putting the word "sex" in your headlines gets people to read your stories. Yeah, that's pretty much our entire operations manual. (ameinfo.com)

· Do you really want to use a service that keeps track of every link you click on while web surfing and shares that info with the whole world? Try explaining all those "big butt asian cuckold bondage" searches to your friends. (darrenbarefoot.com)

· Just so everyone is clear ... Jared, the Subway guy does not rent out his porn. We wouldn't trade any of our DVDs either. Not even for one of those yummy Spicy Italian sandwiches. (tmz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Ohio's new "six-foot" rule could claim some unlikely victims: NBA cheerleaders. This will not stand! (Deadspin)

· A 70-foot-long hot air balloon that looks like a naked man is floating over Milan ... and no one seems to care? Do you think Italy would trade some of its citizens for ours? (timesonline.co.uk)

· Two-thirds of women fantasize about having group sex, 20% dabble in lesbianism, and 25% have thought about being in a porn film, which oddly enough, might be a lower percentage than the number of women who have actually been in a porn film. (thesun.co.uk)

· Letters to the Editor of the Day: "Most parents are clueless about online porn." And pretty much everything else that happens to people under 21 these days. (lincolnnewsmessenger.com)

· The porn industry unveils the first Blu-ray adult feature, not counting the other Blu-ray adult features that have already come out. (tech.co.uk)

· Could someone be making gay porn in the house right next door to you? Probably not, but wouldn't your neighborhood be much more exciting if they were? (nbc6.net)

· Thumbnail via nba.com

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· She might have barely cracked the top 60 in this hemisphere, but Keeley Hazell is at least still the sexiest woman in the world according to FHM's Austalian readers. Which proves that Australia is even more sensible than we may have given them credit for. (brisbanetimes.com.au, via hollywoodtuna.com)

· New (and very, very depressing) research suggests that oral sex may cause throat cancer. And we thought lockjaw was the only thing you had to worry about. (newscientist.com - thanks [?] Mike)

· Want to enter the exciting and lucrative world of Nerve Personals blogging? These handy templates make it easy—and you won't even have to go on any lousy dates to do it! (datehole.com)

· Nightclubs are installing more stripper poles so that the regular customers can get in on the action. Remember when it used to be called "Amateur Night"? (wcbstv.com)

· This letter to the editor writer is really proud of Playmate of the Year Sara Jean Underwood. Probably not proud enough to score a date with her, but it's a nice effort. (gazettetimes.com)

· Poor Donald Duck. He's always getting himself into crazy situations like stumbling upon a sexy babe in the jungle and forgetting to bring his condoms. (Boing Boing)

· This video about internet porn statistics is so informative, you'll want to watch it again and again. And again. So much learning! (YouTube, via goodmagazine.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Despite all the handwriting and dire warnings, sex trafficking did not rise in Germany during last year's World Cup tournament, proving once and for all that soccer is the only thing in the world more important than sex. (iht.com)

· After giving up the goods a while back, Lucy Pinder's hands are once again covering her breasts in her latest lad mag appearance. We're not sure why she's getting all coy again, though we probably wouldn't be able to keep our hands off our boobs either if we were her. (toxicmagazine.com)

· A library in Vienna has started an erotica hotline to raise money ... one sexy minute at a time. (yahoo.com)

· Naked News finds some new naked anchors. Now what were you saying about there being some kind of trouble in the Middle East? (news.com.au)

· Oddly enough, some people don't like it when you portray their goddesses and national icons in nude paintings. Touchy, touchy. (thestar.co.za)

· Censors in Vietnam are apparently not big fans of breasts. Of course, if it weren't for naked boobs they'd be out of a job. (vietnamnet.vn)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Fancy parties are an excellent opportunity for celebrities to show off their boobs. It's sort of like every other time they go out in public. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Fleshbot's own International Health Products division is pleased to announce the launch of Fleshbot Body Spray, perfect for busy porn stars on the go and for anyone who wants to make the dreaded shoulder stink a thing of the past. Fleshbot Pink™ hair coloring kit sold seperately. (trampstampstudios.com - thanks Hal)

· Learn how to use PDF files to get porn past your work firewalls. It works great for us since our firewall blocks anything that isn't porn. (pdfzone.com)

· Candida Royalle talks about her new film "Afrodite Superstar" and some of her other naughty ideas. Luckily, most of them involve people have sex. (msnaughty.com)

· The dreaded "six-foot rule" may be coming to El Paso, Texas. What isn't coming to El Paso, Texas? Anyone who wants to have fun. (kvia.com)

· Do you want to lose your virginity on a TV game show? Of course you don't, but the tryouts could be fun anyway. (xbiz.com, see earlier coverage)

· If you want to start your own erotic massage business, good for you. But maybe you should better place to run your business that at your mom's day care center. (townonline.com)

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