Fleshbot OMG: What Lies Beneath

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Mother And Lollipop Reunion Edition

Sadly, none of the pairings in this movie are of actual mothers and daughters; in fact, one participant revealed to me that "even if I had a daughter, I wouldn't have sex near her". But that is why porn is all about fantasy.

We were happy to see that the title was not "Fuck My Mommy and Me," but we wish producers had respected us enough to choose some other prop than a goddamn lollipop to denote youth. Couldn't she be texting, or filling out college applications, or working at McDonald's? If you succeed like last week's winner I.M.B.Y., you will have given us the new porn youth totem that will replace pigtails, lollipops, and plaid skirts. Hop to it! Your nation needs you. And so does Mommy.

· Lethal Hardcore (lethalhardcore.com)
· Buy "Fuck My Mom And Me 4" (gamelink.com)

Ah, Paris! If for no other reason than to begin a review with "Ah, Paris!" did I watch this for lesbians/by lesbians movie, shot in dingy clubs with a spotlight and shot with sweaty abandon in apartments and elevators around the City of Light. Really a series of vignettes featuring some of the same people on one steamy night in Gay Paree, "One Night Stand" ("Pour Une Nuit)" was made in 2006 and just made its way via festivals and US distributor Fatale Media to my hands. Along the way it won "First Prize of the Lesbian Jury" at Berlin's inaugural porn film festival.

This Week In Cunniringus: "Not Rated Pro Wrestling"

Ripped (Off) From Basic Cable: "Dawg The Black Booty Hunter"

The A&E show "Dog the Bounty Hunter" has no porn elements in it whatsoever—yet viewers would probably not be surprised if each and every one of its characters had a porn career, so similar is the demographic. That is why "Dawg the Black Booty Hunter" (and, really, do we ever hear of white booty?) is the most apt porn crossover we have yet to actually see. Now all we need for our double-digit channel flipping is "Ass Road Truckers."

· BNew Porn Order" (newpornorder.com)

· "Dawg" tease on YouTube (youtube.com)

"It's part of the underground dungeon scene!" pipes the plummy voiceover of beloved pornstress Veronica Hart of "L.A.'s House of Sex And Domination," where people like Sasha Grey, Michelle Avanti, Kissy Kapri, Flower Tucci, and Audrey Hollander go to be sexed and, er, dominated.

There's something both oldschool Porn and late-nite cable in Hart's introductions (written by Naz and Ashley Blue), such as that of Sasha Grey ("No one has been able to tame her!"). But where a Skinemax movie would then trot out Nikki Fritz and a softcore rubdown would ensue, by the end of this scene Sasha Grey literally has clothespins coming out of her ass—and she's happy about it.

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Ladies Of Leisure Edition

I suppose Fleshbot management keeps me around for my boilermakers and Daddy's money, because now and then I look at the angular and spavined pinups my colleagues choose and feel out of the loop. "It's Father's Day," I'll say. "These women can't accommodate my seed."

Here, on the other hand, are a couple of pneumatic lovelies lounging about the set, just daring you to feed them some Father's Day kabobs. Sure "Waist Watchers" is a great title for 1976—but can you be like last week's winner paraffinshot and this time find a more sensual and aromatic title for this movie than the one G-d gave it? Thank you.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 3" (gamelink.com)

Wham Bam, Thank You Mam: "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee #5"

"One town's very like another when your head's down over your pieces, Brother." There was no way we were going to reference Murray Head, however, when we found out that the star of "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee #5" was named Mam. Don't get us wrong; Porn Valley is great. But adult material shot in other countries is like eating at your favorite stateside chain restaurant overseas; it's the little differences.

As a leader in the Astigmatic-American community, I was happy to see a movie that claimed to feature people who looked like me, that could tell my story, and that didn't shrink from honest portrayals of people with eyeglasses having sex. Oh well. I hope their "Alcoholics Analymous" movie dares to tell the truth.

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Hearting Alexis Silver

The title of this movie might be "I Love Alexis Silver," but the box cover photo reveals that Silver might be ambivalent about you.

The question we put to our friends this week is: With that baleful gaze, What Is Alexis Silver Really Thinking? Does she heart us, or does she skull us, or perhaps even "at" symbol, octothorp, and question mark/exclamation point us? Be like last week's winner, bleeble, and set us straight.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "I Love Alexis Silver" (gamelink.com)

While confirmation calls to Larry Flynt's office went unreturned (er, for years), we are fairly certain that Hustler has been naming movie titles specifically for us. We needed nothing more to convince us than the arrival of "MILFzilla," starring the rabid Ava Devine.

Porn ripoffs parodies of things that were topical three years ago are like settling into a comfortable pair of shoes: they are familiar and safe, and make us think of a time when gas wasn't so expensive, it looked like the Democrats would win in 2008, and "The Sopranos" was still on. We received Wicked's "The Housewives of Amber Lane" recently and thought, "Awww, at least it's not 'Britney Rears'."

Don't get us wrong: we are all for "young gorgeous girls with smooth supple bodies." (Or at least we suppose they'll do in a pinch.) But don't you think they have better things to do with their youth, suppleness and—in the case of Micah Moore—feet than to be taking showers all the time?

"It's like an anal documentary," said director Richard Montfort of his vision involving deep probes of the Forbidden Cavity, small orgies that join other small orgies to form big orgies, and an almost clinical fascination with the underside of the delightful and frank Harmony. Producing studio Hustler, which rejected titles like "Anal Ambulations" and "Barefoot in the Ass" in favor of this one, is rightly releasing this movie under its "Hardline" label.

· Buy "Strollin' in the Colon" (hustlervideo.com)

Peg, It Will Come Back To You: "FemDom: Mean Girls"

"You look pretty with a cock in your mouth," says evil Annie Cruz to Christian in "Fem Dom: Mean Girls." Woman-on-man strap-on sex, or pegging, is making its way into porn's mainstream, and this video features the likes of Penny Flame and Gwen Diamond also giving the business end to their male partners. The difference between this and extra-submissive pegging movies is that the guys turn the tables at the end, so the squeamish can tune in for the final third of each scene. Directed with tenderness by Vincent Voss, this movie is an ideal Valentine's Day gift for the mean girl in your life.

· Toxxxic Entertainment (toxxxicentertainment.com)
· Steely Dan Homepage (steelydan.com)

It's Our "Pool Party" ... And You're Not Invited

On a day when it was even rainy in Los Angeles, we were thrilled to see "Pool Party" show up in our mailbox.

But Holy Crap, could there be two people less happy to see us? I mean, we did interrupt you with a dick in your mouth, but it's not like we asked for directions. And if that's the way you feel with a tongue in your ass, why even sit on one? Turn that frown upside down, ladies: the pool guy is here!

· Sandy Bunz (sandybunz.com)
· Buy "Pool Party" (cduniverse.com)

Whenever I read or hear the word "extravaganza" I think "extra vagina" and giggle softly to myself. Imagine my delight, then, when Digital Sin released several compilations called "Teenstravaganza", "Boobstravaganza", "Solostravaganza", and "MILFstravaganza". It's like, in addition to the 16 hours of continuous ball-draining footage, there's an extra vagina! I can't wait for the supercompilation "Stravaganzastravaganza: Now with an Infinite Vaginal Loop".

· Digital Sin (digitalsindvd.com)
· Buy "Teenstravaganza" (gamelink.com)

"America's Next Top Tranny": Who Wants To Be On Top?

In one of the most heartbreaking missed opportunities in porn we've ever encountered, the folks at Vivid not only somehow decided to use what looks like a mostly Brazilian cast for "America's Next Top Tranny", but neglected to find a dragified Tyra Banks lookalike to host the whole production. And trust us, we've seen enough wandering around certain streets on the West Side to know that finding one wouldn't have been a problem.

· "America's Next Top Tranny" (dvdempire.com)
· Vivid (vivid.com)