· Vida Guerra has an early Christkwaanzukkah present for fans of her ass—an FHM cover shoot. You didn't even have to unwrap it. (fhmus.com)

· Congratulations to Britney Spears for going an entire day without letting anyone photograph her cooch. (Maybe. The day isn't over yet.) (chicagotribune.com)

· Meanwhile, you can compare the poetry of Britney and Kendra Jade, her (possible) rival for the Drakkar-lovin' Kevin Federline. Leave it to the Gawker nerds to make this story all literary and shit. (Gawker)

· Don't worry; you're not a freak for admiring the Top 10 hottest Disney women—but if you think Belle is only No. 7 then you're obviously sick in the head. (fanpop.com)

· A former strip club waitress who was "tired of being mistreated by men" is sentenced for mailing people condoms that were filled with a potentially explosive mixture ... and it wasn't the stuff you're thinking of. (abcnews.go.com)

· "The Boob Lady" is writing a owner's manual for those who own a pair of breasts. What about those of us who just like rent? (seattlepi.nwsource.com + booksonboobs.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives