But then the Naughtinano landed on my desk, and I started to reconsider my OhMiBod ban. Unlike the original OhMiBod, the Naughtinano has a slight, curvy form that's both pleasing to the eye and the G-spot. This was all it needed to make me intrigued enough to ignore its cringeworthy name and hook it up to my iPod.

As has been noted before, the OhMiBod vibrators respond differently to different types of songs: and they respond best to ones that are bass and percussion heavy. I turned my iPod on and set it to random. It jumped to Devo's "Are You Experienced?"

That was a good choice.

As the song wound to a close, though, I got a nasty surprise: any lag between songs leads to a lag in vibrator performance. You know how iPods will sometimes have several seconds of quiet during the song transition? Well, that's several seconds sans vibration. Not a good feature.

But as I clicked through my song selection, I started to forget about that failing and more became interested in seeing which songs worked well with the vibe and which, well, didn't. A random sampling found that The Roots' "Swept Away," almost anything by The Chemical Brothers or Portishead, Fatboy Slim's "Love Life," and (somewhat surprisingly) Ne-Yo's "So Sick" all made my clit twitch.

The Violent Femmes, on the other hand, were largely a failure.

For many, the Naughtinano's utility may ultimately have more to do with your taste in music than anything else. If you prefer to masturbate to softspoken slow jams, you may find your sexy tunes leaving you in cold. Electrofiends, on the other hand, should be rather pleased with the experience.

Of course, you can always switch out the iPod attachment and turn the Naughtinano into a standard vibe, but I have a hard time seeing why you'd want to. Stripped of the iPod, the Naughtinano is just a basic one-speed vibe. Now seriously, where's the fun in that?

· OhMiBod (ohmibod.com)
· Buy the Naughtinano (store.babeland.com)

The manufacturer of the SaSi makes two main claims about it: that it learns what you like and that it stimulates the body in a way completely unlike any other sex toy. So let's take these one at a time.

The first time I heard that the SaSi could learn how to get me off, I got a little freaked out, thinking that this toy was powered by some kind of A.I. voodoo that would sense when and how often and how hard the toy made me came. Not so much, though: turns out "learns what you like" is actually just code for "fancy system of programmable stimulation settings."

In other words, the SaSi has two different modes: "learning mode" and "favorites mode". (You select which mode you'd like to enter after you turn the toy on.) In learning mode, the SaSi works its way through every stimulation setting and pauses for twenty seconds at each movement pattern. If you like the way a pattern feels, you can hit the "don't stop" button. When you shut the toy off, favorites mode updates with your last five "don't stop" settings, turning the mode mode into your own customized orgasm session. It may not be as impressive as some A.I. voodoo, but it's still pretty cool.

As for the completely unique stimulation method, though ... well, this is where the SaSi really, really shines. Most vibrators function as a blunt object of erotic stimulation. You turn them on, they vibrate. Sure, you can alter the speed or pattern of vibration, and some of them have parts that swivel, but there's not a lot of subtlety involved.

But with the SaSi, things are different. From the top side, the SaSi looks a bit like a sleek, wireless mouse. Flip it over, however, and its true nature is revealed. You'll see a small bump, and it's this bump that makes all the difference. It kicks into action when you turn the SaSi on, moving along the clit as fast or as slow as you wish: it moves sideways, it moves in circles, it moves up and down. Most importantly, it places pressure (not vibration, but pressure) directly on or around the clit. As you may have guessed, it pretty closely simulates getting head. Try getting a Hitachi Magic Wand to do that.

But that's not all: in addition to the movements of its magic bump, the SaSi is also capable of vibrating in a traditional style. With the push of a different button, the body of the SaSi starts rocking and rolling. Vibration can be increased or decreased, or set to a variety of pulse patterns. If you can imagine a small tongue moving just the way you like that's connected to a flat, vibrating head ... well, that's pretty much what the SaSi is like. In other words, it's awesome.

I had just two issues with the SaSi. The first issue was relatively minor: after extended periods of use, the SaSi tends to get a bit hot. I wasn't particularly bothered by the sensation—I actually kinda liked it—but a part of me did worry a bit about the motor overheating, or possibly catching on fire. (It never happened. I just worry.)

The second issue was a bit more bothersome, and certainly something to keep in mind if you're planning on spending $185 to buy one. The SaSi is strictly a clitoral toy, which means it's not designed to penetrate the vagina. So if you need penetration to get off, or if clitoral stimulation makes you want to get fucked, you might find yourself a bit unsatisfied if you're not using it in combination with another toy.

On the other hand, if clitoral stimulation is all you need to get your world rocking, this may just be the best thing that's ever happened to your ladyparts. It's been a long, frustrating wait for the SaSi. But now that it's finally available, I can definitely say that wait was worth it.

You might also appreciate the fact that the SaSi is a rechargeable vibrator with a sterilizable silicone coating. So if you're diligent about cleaning it, you can share it with your loved ones. But with a toy this good, you might not want to.

• The SaSi (jejoue.com)
• Buy the SaSi (@ babeland.com)

"Why do you need my help?" he asked.

"Because it's the We-Vibe," I replied. "If I don't have you, it's just a Me Vibe."

Yes, the We-Vibe is a couple's vibe, if you will—a marital aid in the truest sense. A purple (of course), silicone-coated vibe that's shaped a bit like a lopsided U, the vibe sits half inside, half outside the vagina. The thinner prong nestles up against the G-spot, leaving plenty of room for penile or other penetration, while the fatter prong which houses the controls curls up against the gspot. Which is all well and good, but does it actually work?

Well, we'll get to that in a second. First things first, though: On initial inspection, the We-Vibe appears to have no controls to speak of. There are no buttons, no dials, and no obvious method to get the party started. It's only when you open up the accompanying manual that you learn that the little dimples in the fatter prong are actually signaling the location of the power switch, which is located underneath the silicone coating. (The manual also informs you that you must charge the vibe a full twenty-four hours before first use. This is definitely an RTFM vibe.)

Before sliding the toy into place, be sure to lube it up well with a water-based lube. Switch it on, and you're ready to go!

My first session of we-vibing occurred in the missionary position, a choice I would later regret. Though the vibing was quite nice, if a bit low-powered, the positioning was all wrong. On more than one occasion, the weight of my assistant's body pressed parts of the toy uncomfortably into my pelvis, and it was pretty difficult to get it to set just right. If anything the toy felt like more of a distraction than an enhancement. Likewise with girl on top: any situation where the vibe could be jammed against my body seemed to be a position I didn't really care for.

I was pretty soured on the whole we-vibing thing, but I figured I'd give it one more go, in doggy style. If my partner was coming at me from behind, there'd be no pressure on the front section of the vibe — and maybe that would leave me free to enjoy the vibe.

And — not too shockingly — I was right. As with so many things, position makes all the difference for the We-Vibe. What had been an uncomfortable addition to my boning session suddenly transformed into an extra note of pleasure.

Of course, given that this is the We-Vibe, it wasn't just my pleasure that I had to look out for, so after our experiment I asked my assistant for some feedback. His experience fell somewhere in the range of neutral to positive. At worst, the We-Vibe was a bit of a barrier, almost like an extra-thick condom. He admitted that at one point, it felt as though he were fucking the toy, rather than me — though with enough lube that sensation seemed to dissipate. Mostly, he didn't feel it all; except, apparently, at the moment of orgasm.

"I think it might have helped me come, and made me come a little harder," he said.

So there you have it. Smiles all around!

· We-Vibe (we-vibe.com)
· Buy the We Vibe (babeland.com)

But beyond doing their part in the war against flaccidity, and occasionally producing a thicker, more turgid erection, cock rings haven't really done much for me personally. The ones with nubs or ticklers have done a bit to tickle my fancy, but it's never really been anything worth writing home about. But then the Sonic Ring Kit walked (or, er, rolled) into my life, and everything changed.

At its heart, this cock ring is a simple toy: a jelly rubber ring, studded with a few ticklers, accompanied by a simple push button bullet vibe. But its simplicity is also its greatest strength. The stretchy jelly rubber is fairly easy to get off and on (just be careful it doesn't stick to the skin), and the bullet vibe stays on with no help needed from the wearer—all the better for some hands free fun.

But did the extra vibe add some kick to my ride? As with so many sex toys: it depends. In some positions the ring was a sheer delight, while in others it was a bit of a nuisance. My favorite set up involved my assistant pressing up against me and simply rocking back and forth, creating a consistent vibration against my girlparts. The worst one was legs spread open missionary: with my clitoris exposed, the vibration was uncomfortably intense. Standard missionary was a bit of a mixed bag: as you might have guessed, thrusting in and out moves the vibrator back and forth, creating a kind of make-your-own-pulse pattern sensation. Depending on your mood and preferences, it's either incredibly delightful or incredibly annoying.

The Sonic Ring Kit certainly takes a bit of practice to figure out. But at $20, it's worth the effort. (And even if it doesn't work out for you, you still have that bullet vibe to use as you wish.) I must say, I'm looking forward to taking a few more laps around the track with it and seeing where it goes.

Though I also must say, learning how much I enjoy vibration during intercourse has definitely increased my curiosity about the We-Vibe, a fancy vibrator designed to be worn during intercourse. But I'll have to get back to you about that one another week.

· Buy the Sonic Ring Kit (babeland.com)

The Penetration Station offers lazy lovers like myself a little extra boost with a system of straps that promises to provide leverage and enable even the laziest Lothario access to all kinds of acrobatic sex positions. But is it all that the packaging promises? With the help of an assistant, I decided to set up the Penetration Station and take it for a little ride.

Setting up the Penetration Station was relatively easy—definitely a two person job, but nothing too trying. The large loop slides over the mattress, with two long straps extending under the mattress towards the bed, and two extending towards the base. Neoprene loops attach to all four straps, assuring you and your partner a comfortable ride. (Helpful tip: if you're planning on leaving the Penetration Station in place—highly recommended if you want to use it spontaneously—put it on under your sheet. When not in use, you'll be able to stow the straps under your mattress. Trés discreet!)

After the Station was in place my assistant and I popped in the accompanying DVD, which promised to explain the ins and outs of this fancy contraption.

"Do you think they'll actually show penetration?" my assistant asked.

"We can always hope." I pressed play, gearing myself up for some exciting and sexy instruction.

Alas, the brief clip showed neither penetration nor crazy sex positions. In fact, most of the positions displayed appeared to be normal, average, everyday positions — the kind I was doing all the time already without the aid of all those straps.

But being the eternal optimist, I figured I'd try it out anyway. Maybe the setup had some fancy trick up its sleeve, something that would only be revealed once I'd strapped myself in and gone for a ride?

No such luck. While the Penetration Station offered a little bit of assistance and leverage, it certainly wasn't the magic Kama Sutra bullet I was hoping for—and at times, it even got in the way. Though the happy, underwear-clad couple in the demonstration video may have had the patience to adjust the straps and loops every time they wanted to change positions, I certainly didn't. Having to do extra work every time I wanted to alter my angle just left me frustrated and annoyed—and was a bit of a buzzkill.

If you ever find yourself looking for some extra leverage when you're getting down, or really do need some extra support to help yourself turn into, say, a cowgirl, the Penetration Station might still be your new best friend (provided, of course, that you're happy staying in one position for pretty much the whole love session). Personally, though, I found myself wishing I could convert it to a bondage rig. That seems like it would be a lot more useful.

· Buy the Penetration Station (babeland.com)

So needless to say, a vibe that promises some hands-free satisfaction has more than a bit of appeal—and the possibility of getting off with both hands above the belt was certainly something I had to investigate.

A small U-shaped vibe, the Snugglepuss delivers the goods with no hands needed. One leg inserts into the vagina while the other hugs the clitoris, clamping the vibe into place; and as the two legs pull apart, the motor kicks into action — no buttons needed either!

Dual action vibes don't always hit the right spots. But in my case, the Snugglepuss positioned itself properly, the ticklers fluttering against my clit and gspot in delicious, orgasmic harmony. And yes, the hands-free part was pretty sweet: having a toy that stayed in place all on its own—which allowed me to to focus on, um, other sources of stimulation—was definitely a nice change of pace.

But it's not all sunshine with the Snugglepuss. Much as I liked the design, I was disappointed by the less than banging motor. And with just one speed, and no pulse pattern variations, this one-trick pony can get a little boring after a bit of use. (As far as that;'s concerned: if you're looking to shake things up a bit, I highly recommend walking around with the Snugglepuss planted in your puss. A little rocking action can totally rock your world.)

The Snugglepuss is a winner when it comes to design and ease of use—and if you're happy with some basic vibrating action, it may just be the vibe for you. I'd like to see a little bit of an upgrade involving a stronger motor and more vibration speeds—but until then, I'll happily groove on all the hands-free love it's able to deliver.

· Buy the Snugglepuss (babeland.com)

Oddly enough, in the very same box we received an impressive and solid (not fragrant and water-soluble) item called the Lex Steele Big Man XL Steel Cock Ring, which looks like it can ably grip's junk (we tried it - it does) to secure the Space Shuttle's heat shield (we weren't allowed to test this theory, despite tempting NASA scientists with Dirtpipe Milkshakes).

It is clear from these comparison photos that Lex Steele thinks you have a bigger dick than the soap does. Now which product would you buy?

· Buy Stroke on a Rope (spencersonline.com)

· Buy the Lex Steele™ Big Man XL Steel Cock Ring (topcosales.us)

Lelo advertises Luna Beads as a “combined pleasure / fitness system for the circum vaginal and pelvic floor muscles.” Translation: a really easy way to do Kegels—and one that will, ideally, feel pretty fucking awesome while you work out. Given the chance to effortlessly strengthen my pubococcygeus (PC) muscle while getting some pleasure in the process? Yeah, you could say I was interested.

Luna Beads offer a fairly simple system for making sure you stick to your Kegel exercise regimen. Unlike weighted dildos which require, you know, actual effort, Luna Beads claim to work out your PC muscles just by being inside your vag: just the effort of keeping the beads inside causes your PC muscles to flex, and (supposedly) as you walk around, the shifting of the beads causes additional flexing and pulsing.

In addition to being extremely easy to use, Luna Beads are also highly customizable. Each set comes with four beads (two lighter pink ones and two heavier blue ones) that can be mixed and matched depending on your vaginal fitness. If you're just getting started, start at the lowest level with one pink ball; vaginal strongwomen can put the two blue balls into the figure eight-shaped harness and feel the burn.

Did Luna Beads give me super strong PC muscles? I’m not entirely sure. But did Luna Beads feel pretty awesome banging around inside my cooch? Yes. Which was all the post-workout reward I needed.

There’s just one catch: in order for Luna Beads to truly be effective, you’re supposed to use them every day for thirty minutes. With my hectic schedule, I still have trouble pulling that off. But at least I know that as long as I remember to put them in, the Luna Beads will do all the rest of the work for me ... and help get me off at the same time.

· Buy Luna Beads (lelo.com)

You will look like one of those Sears photographers, facing forward while holding a bulb in one hand and the birdie in the other, when you physically commit to the CyberSkin® Waterproof EZ-Bend Cockring. Because what the title doesn't tell you is that, not only is this cock ring as bendy as a favorite bath tool, but it also has a vibrating bullet attached by a length of wire to a controller.

So you poke your schlong through the CyberSkin® Waterproof EZ-Bend Cockring's stretchy hole, all the while feeling the not-unpleasant but otherwise-unnatural humming of the bullet underneath. The farther one pokes, the more secure the source of the vibration (unless one has no testicles, and then it's a crapshoot).

So the user has both hands occupied, really, at which point the question becomes "What if ladies are present?"

The answer, I believe, is that this device is for the gentleman who is currently between ladies.

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)
· Buy the CyberSkin® Waterproof EZ-Bend Cockring (sensualadviser.com)

I’m not one of those women. For some reason, rabbit vibes have never appealed to me. Maybe it’s the fact that most of them are made of scary things like jelly rubber; maybe it’s the fact that I shy away from trendy toys; or maybe it’s just that damn little rabbit. Whatever the cause, I’ve haven’t ever felt very rabbit-curious. But when presented with a dual action vibe that’s made of silicone and doesn’t have a cutesey little animal face staring up at me ... well, now I'm curious.

Designed by Vibratex—the manufacturers of the (all too) popular Rabbit Habit—the Rosebud bears more than a passing resemblance to its leporid cousin, even if it doesn’t bear much resemblance to a rosebud. Stimulation is provided in two ways: via a rotating bulb at the end of the shaft, meant to grind against the G-spot, and a crazy alien-looking dude who reaches out to hug your clit. Your pleasure is controlled by two little sliders located on the handle, one to control the gspot action, the other to control the clit: slide them up to get your party rocking, slide them down when you need to chill.

So how did it stack up? The Rosebud did indeed have its charms, and I enjoyed my time with it. But overall, it left me wanting. Nice as it was, the placement of certain parts just seemed, well, a little off. Unlike the Rabbit Pearl, which has a cluster of rotating beads at the bottom of the shaft, the Rosebud’s shaft is a bit barren. In order to really get my groove on, I had to place the rotating bulb directly on my G-spot, which meant jacking off with the bulk of the shaft sitting outside my pussy. Thankfully, the little alien guy was still able to contact my clit, but having half the Rosebud outside my hoo-ha was awkward nonetheless.

Ultimately, the Rosebud confirmed what I’d long suspected about dual action vibes: while they seem nice in theory, with such a fixed shape they’re just not flexible enough to conform to every woman’s body. Which just goes to show you that just because a vibe is trendy, doesn’t mean it’s actually right for you.

· Buy the Rosebud (babeland.com)

Those with braver souls (or more elastic pudenda) than myself may find themselves able to insert the Jollie with little to no prep work. I, however, required a lot of lube, at least one orgasm, and, ideally, a bit of starter penetration prior to working the Jollie inside my girlyparts. But once ensconced therein, the Jollie made it clear that all that prep had been well worth it: with its unique design it is, shall we say, a dildo like no other.

According to the packaging, the Jollie works by stimulating three pressure points. The tip slides under the cervix, creating a "full feeling;" the large bump presses into the gspot; and the handle wraps around to place pressure on the clitoris (with a ribbed surface for extra stimulation). Let me just tell you: it's all true! It does all that, and it's pretty awesome.

By now you're probably thinking, "A large dildo that slides under my cervix and presses on my clit? Sounds great, but how am I supposed to fuck myself with it?" And well you might ask that—because, as it happens, you don't. Rather than doing the old in n' out, the Jollie stays in place, sort of like a vaginal butt plug (for want of a better phrase). For added stimulation, you can press on the base of the toy to create a pulsing sensation, use the handle to gently rock it back and forth, or (my favorite) turn this fabulous dildo into a vibrating all-star by holding your favorite vibe against the base. Since it's silicone, it'll conduct the vibration just fine — and you'll be over the moon in no time, I promise.

· Buy the Jollie (babeland.com)

Silky smooth and girly pink, Nipplettes are an adorable addition to any sex toy kit—and are particularly good for the sex toy kit of someone new to BDSM. With the turn of a screw, they're are easily adjustable as well, so if you're feeling a little sensitive you can adjust the screws to ease the pain. On the other hand, if you're looking for something more intense you can always twist those screws the other way (though see below).

Best of all, though, the clamps come alive with vibration with a simple push of a button. If you think vibrators are only for pussies?, think again: all that pulsing turned my nipples on and kept them at serious attention (and then some).

One downside is that if you're looking for a serious pinch, they're probably not for you: even at their tightest, Nipplettes don't really hurt. Fun as they are, they're far more about that delicious vibrating goodness than creating some seriously pleasurable pain.

After my nipples had had their way with the Nipplettes, I decided to experiment a little. If these little clamps felt great clamped against my nipples, was it possible they might feel good clipped on to other parts of my body? Like, say, my labia?

Short answer: yes. Sure, that might not be their intended purpose, but there's no reason you can't use any sex toy to find other sorts of pleasure wherever you can. And Nipplettes have the potential to bring a lot of pleasure wherever you choose to stick them.

· Buy Nipplettes Vibrating Nipple Clamps (babeland.com)

But despite my misgivings, I was determined to try the GPilot: the packaging did say (in bigger letters, above the scary disclaimer) that the product had been tested by science. And I trust science.

To start out, I figured I'd use the device on my own. After all, if I was going to break anyone's penis, it had better be for good reason (for example, a device guaranteed to make me squirt). After generously lubricating the GPilot on both sides, as instructed by the packaging, I inserted into my ladyparts. There was some initial discomfort, but I quickly adjusted to its presence. It was time to take things to the next level.

I grabbed my most realistic dildo and slid it in. With the GPilot in place, the dildo didn't slide straight in to my pussy as it normally would. Instead, it bent up, pressing directly into my g-spot. And it felt pretty awesome. I played around for a bit, eventually squirting as promised. It seemed like the time to bring in my assistant for additional testing.

After a bit of persuasion—and OK, maybe a little bribery—I managed to convince him to participate in the experiment. Well-lubed, he slowly entered me, sliding his cock along the GPilot. It didn't break his penis! I figured that was a start.

Sex with the GPilot in was different. Not amazingly better, not horrible; just good, and a bit different. The increased pressure and friction on my g-spot was definitely appreciated, but it was countered by some of the GPilot's shortcomings. Though we used a lot of lube, the GPilot's plastic seemed to dry quickly, requiring multiple breaks for reapplication. And though the GPilot opened up some new avenues, it also created quite a few limitations. Hard fucking and deep penetration were definitely off the menu, as was pretty much anything aside from slow, gentle, missionary sex. As for my assistant? By the end of our experiment, his penis wasn't broken, but he wasn't all that enthused about the GPilot either. Apparently the GPilot scientists weren't heavily focused on increasing male pleasure.

I enjoyed my time with the GPilot, but I can't see myself using it all that regularly. It's a little too much effort, with not quite enough pay off, to become a part of my regular rotation - but it's certainly welcome as an occasional addition to my bedroom adventures.

· Pure Fun LLC (gthrust.com)

I remove the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass from its box. I make a note to highlight and copy "Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass" for my review so I can just hit Apple+V rather than retyping Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass all the time. Its jiggly Cyberskin feels comforting, like an old friend or younger sister of the legions of Cyberskin ladies I've had the pleasure to know.

I've got an HD-DVD player in a corner of the office. Well that's goddamn useless. I take the two AA batteries out of its remote control and stick them in the slider control device of the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass. A wire connects the control to a little bullet-shaped thing which the manufacturers call a "bullet." It is satisfying to shove the bullet into a hole at the top of the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass. Unplugged, that hole might be a distraction; inexperienced users of sex toys might mistakenly fuck it.

Different from the other Cyberskin Vibrating Pussies And Asses in our collection, this one has two suction cups at its base, ostensibly for traction. Me, I derive pleasure from taking and shoving the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass against my file cabinet, the way one would with an actual Lady. Also like an actual Lady, the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass immediately loses suction from one of its cups and dangles off the A-G drawer.

I finally get the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass secured. It is a small representation of those parts and if it weren't Caucazoid and if I didn't already have the image of Bree Olson in my head I would think it had been molded from a scrawnier Thai prostie.

I stick my finger in the hole and curve it around. No G-spot, no ridge. But I did feel the bullet like a calcified fetus. I imagine this is how a Cylon must feel in there. Hot. But I'm going to need some lube, and so is the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass.

I take a moment to wonder who the target audience for such a thing might be. I think it is people with active imaginations, capable of suppressing the knowledge that fucking the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass is actually more difficult and time consuming than using whatever household item or fingers that do the job usually.

Like the axiom that fucking one person means fucking every person that he or she has ever been with, fucking the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass means fucking whatever surface it is attached to, in my case, a filing cabinet. Would that David Cronenberg have walked in as he saw me and the five-foot tall Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Assed file cabinet in a carnal embrace, I would now be collecting residuals in strong Canadian dollars.

· Adam & Eve (AdamEve.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)
· Buy the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass (gamelink.com)

There's a lot to love about the Odyssey Tickler. It's cute, quiet, and relatively cheap, and, for a vibe that runs on two AAA batteries, it has a pretty powerful motor. There's also the matter of the Tickler's... ticklers. As a fan of the Nubby G's nubs, I was really excited for some tickling action - and, happily, the Odyssey Tickler delivered as promised. Depending on your anatomy, you may have to wiggle the vibe around a bit to unlock the magic of the tickling. But hey, with a toy like this, the journey is half the fun.

But despite its charms, there was one problem I just couldn't ignore. Unlike its more complicated cousins, the Odyssey Tickler has just one button. If the vibe is off, pressing the button turns it on. If the vibe is on, pressing the button increases the vibration speed - unless you're at the third (and highest) vibration speed, in which case pressing the button shuts the vibe off. Which, in the heat of the moment, can really suck. Imagine grooving along to some really great fantasy, only to accidentally or absentmindedly press that button and shut everything down.

Yeah, it's kind of a buzzkill. Much as I enjoyed the Tickler, I think I'll be sticking with the Nubby G from here on out.

· Buy the Babeland Odyssey Tickler (babeland.com)

Since the technology was available, I contacted Joanna Angel directly about these products.

"Tell me about your engooping," I said. "Was it cold and impersonal?"

"No," Angel said. "It was at the Topco factory. We did it in a little room."

"How long ago?"

"About a year. Last spring."

"So one could have conceived and carried a new being to term in the time it took to create two fake parts of one."

"Yes."

I held the quivering jellylike anus and vagina in my hands, hoping the mailman wouldn't show up, and that the UPS lady would.

"Joanna, you are a big porn star. You have a lot of movies. And you know people jerk off to these movies, but there is always a chance that they don't, so you don't have to autograph a movie knowing that the first thing your fan does is go home and jerk off on the box. But with sex toys in your image (forbidden by the second commandment), you know that people are going to go home and emi9t love spendings on them."

"Yes," she said. "It makes me feel like I've arrived."

Angel said she has stuck her fingers in her Cyberskin representations before.

"They're pretty tight," she said. "I suggest lube."

"What should a consumer be listening to when he goes to town on your ass? Your pussy?"

"For the ass," she said, "Black Dahlia Murder."

"Because the ass reminds you of Michigan, where they're from?"

"No, because they're a metal band. And for the pussy, something electronic, like Brazilian Girls."

· Buy Joanna Angel's Cyberskin Ass & Pussy (adultdvdempire.com)
· Burning Angel (burningangel.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us

Skye will be part of marital aid manufacturer Topco's Wildfire Celebrity Series, to be unveiled at January's AVN Expo.

"I am extremely excited to be molded by a top toy company like Topco," Skye said in a press release, which means she probably didn't say it. "They do amazing work and being associated with them has been a goal of mine that I'm very happy to achieve. I hope my fans have as much fun with this toy as I had making it."

While I don't doubt that getting batter dumped on you was not unpleasant, Ms. Skye, I really hope your fans have a much better time with this toy than you had making it. Otherwise there's nothing to keep them from just stripping naked and backing into some warm cookie dough (I understand Violet Blue does this), skipping the sex toy entirely.

But if the mold is done right, perhaps fans will get the same sensation Barrett Blade did with the actual Skye in "The Artist."

· Ryder Skye (ryderskye.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)
· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "The Artist" (gamelink.com)

To give you a sense of its size, here's a photo of your humble vibe tester, along with both the Iris (on the left) and its little sister, the Gigi:

Yeah. The Iris does not fuck around.

But how much does that really matter? Does a bigger boat actually effect the motion of the ocean? Well, yes and no. The Iris certainly feels more intense than the Gigi, so if slim vibes leave you cold the Iris is definitely for you. But at the end of the day, the vibe's the thing—and I was far more impressed by the Iris's powerful motor and fancy pulse patterns, which were intense enough to elicit an "Oh fuck!" from even this jaded reviewer.

There's also the matter of the petal-like protusions all along the body of the Iris. I suspect that these are intended to stimulate the g-spot and other girly bits, but they didn't seem to make much of a difference sensationwise. They sure are pretty, though!

On a more technical side, the Iris is rechargeable, made of silicone, and has the same intuitive controls as the Gigi. In other words, it's an all around winner ... just bigger.

· Lelo (lelo.com)
· Buy the Iris (babeland.com)

Well, as with all one trick ponies, this is either really good or really bad. If you like what the Aqua Wand does, you're all set: it's small, thin, and relatively discreet (from a distance, it bears some resemblance to a fancy fountain pen, though up close, no one Is all that likely to be fooled), making it easy to carry around in your purse for all those times when you suddenly find yourself in need of a vibe. It's also waterproof and easy to clean—though since it's made of hard plastic, it shouldn't be shared without a condom. Oh, and at $20, it's pretty cheap.

If the Aqua Wand's one speed doesn't rev your engine, however, none of that is going to mean very much. Unlike its fancier brethren, which can win you over with their multiple settings, the Aqua Wand either has you at hello ... or it's kissing you goodbye before things even have a chance to get started. Oh well. Did we at least mention that it's pretty cheap?

· Buy the Aqua Wand (babeland.com)

To really rate high, a lube should be thick but not too thick, long lasting, easy to clean up, and pleasing to the taste buds. Oh, and it's also good if it's glycerin and paraben-free—you know, so it won't give you some kind of crazy infection.

For years, Maximus has been my gold standard lube: it's water-based, glycerin-free, and has never done me wrong in the bedroom (except, sadly, when it's gotten in my mouth—the taste leaves more than a little to be desired). But now that I've discovered Good Clean Love, even Maximus has lost a little of its luster.

Manufactured by a woman-run company based in Eugene, Oregon (also the manufacturers Babeland's organic lube, Naked), Good Clean Love lube is made of all-natural materials (aloe! Cinnamon sticks!), and is free of parabens and petrochemicals. Which, quite frankly, wouldn't mean much to me if it weren't also an amazingly good lube.

Yes, kids, sometimes the hippies are right: though deodorant rocks are a bit of an epic fail, Good Clean Love may just be the best lube I've ever used. Thick yet fluid, delightfully long lasting, and, best of all, with a flavor that actual tastes okay, Good Clean Love passes all my tests with flying colors. Whatever your style, whatever your pleasure, Good Clean Love is great way to decrease the friction and make your love — or at least your lust — sustainable.

· Good Clean Love (goodcleanlove.com)
· Buy Good Clean Love (babeland.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive

Manufactured by Nob Essence (the same company that brought us the Fling), the Flip is a beautifully handcrafted curved wooden toy, carved into a set of graduated beads.

So how does the Flip shape up? Quite nicely, actually. The beads start small and work their way up, allowing the user to control the intensity of the stimulation. New to butt play? Stick to the shallow waters. Anal expert? Take the plunge, and bury the Flip to the hilt!

In addition to its pleasurably beaded body, the Flip features a curved form for prostate stimulation. Sadly, as a prostate-free female, I can't offer too much comment on this feature. Though I'm sure it would feel quite wonderful if I had a prostate to stimulate, I actually found that I preferred rotating the toy so that the hook of the curve faced towards my back. Maybe it's a girl thing.

Lovely though the Flip is, it's not the best toy for those who like to leave a butt toy in for an all day (or at least several hour) treat. For one thing, the beaded shape makes the toy hard to grip and keep in. For another, the large rounded handle, though quite convenient when maneuvering the toy, leads to a limited range of motion. To put it bluntly: it's kinda hard to sit down when there's a large wooden ring sticking out of your ass.

Like the Fling, the Flip is coated in Lubrosity, a fancy coating that makes it chemical/bacteria-resistant, waterproof, and hypoallergenic—and it's phthalate-free. Didn't quite catch that? The important thing to remember is that it's easy to clean, won't get ruined by water (or your butt), and is compatible with all lubes.

A note for the adventurous girls out there: It is possible, if a bit tricky, to use the Flip and its sister dildo, the Fling, for some double penetration action. You know, if you're into that sort of thing. Don't say I never taught you nothing.

· Buy the The Flip (babeland.com)
· Nob Essence (nobessence.com)

Fully assembled, this product looks like the female reproductive system, two full ovaries leading to a compact and sturdy vagina. But the ovaries are breast cups and the vagina is a squeezie bulb designed to suck the breasts further in.

Conceived as the sexy version of when we used to suck our own lips into Coke bottles, the Tit-Elation is a great example of the fetishization of machinery for machinery's sake:it is actually easier to do with one's hands (and remember that the Massager is not a hands-free device) the thing that the Tit-Elation is supposed to do with some surprisingly difficult assembly and strenuous bulb squeezery.

In fact, the sexiest thing about this Penthouse Variations-branded marital aid begins and ends with the first direction: "Lubricate breasts thoroughly."

Oddly enough, there was no breast-lubing attachment included. Did they expect me to do it with my hands?

· See more about The Tit-Elation Breast Massager @ Topco + SpiceToy.com

So allow me to introduce the latest objet d'art-cum-sex toy to gain entrance to my nether regions: the Vergenza Mk. 1, a shiny metal dildo that looks like an art deco billy club... but feels like a little piece of heaven.

But first things first. Metal?

Yes, actually: aircraft-quality spun aluminum, to be precise. While this may sound like an odd material for a sex toy—this is, after all, a dildo, not a Boeing 747—it's actually an inspired choice. It's sterile, non-porous, and easy to clean; and it provides a vastly different sensation from silicone or rubber toys. Where rubber toys are soft and yielding, the Mk. 1 is firm and forceful. This is definitely a toy that means business.

And that's not the only benefit. As you may remember from chemistry class, aluminum is very temperature sensitive. Whether you're into a shock of ice cold pleasure or desperately desiring a little bit of warmth, the Mk. 1 can easily oblige. Simply soak the toy in heated or chilled water and marvel at its temperature-retaining properties. (It is worth noting, however, that the Mk.1 will also absorb your body heat, so even if it starts out cold it'll eventually end up at body temperature once you start sticking it in your junk.)

On the down side, the Mk. 1 isn't the prettiest toy on the market—and no, the fact that it comes in multiple colors doesn't really help. But thankfully, it's pretty easy to forget about aesthetics once you've got this thing inside you. Six levels of pleasure orbs? Awesome. Pleasure orbs bumping their way along my pleasure spots? Even awesomer. And in case you were wondering ... yes, you can flip it around and stick the handle in your hooha, or anywhere else you want. It's an interesting sensation, but you're probably better off using this toy as nature (or at least its manufacturer) intended.

The Mk. 1 comes with its very own storage bag, a black velvet "attaché" with a lovely silver pull cord. I recommend using it, both for protection and modesty. Sometimes, it's just better to be discreet than deal with questions about your fancy new nightstick.

· Mk. 1 (inspiredbyvergenza.com)

But then I learned about phthalates, and suddenly the Nubby G's jelly rubber skin seemed far less inviting. Sure, I could always be safe and put a condom on it - but somehow, it just wasn't the same. I abandoned the Nubby G and went in search of other toys, hoping that I'd find one that could compare - and wouldn't raise my risk of a nasty disease.

A few weeks ago, my prayers were answered: Babeland announced their new line of toys, and I was pleased to see a new, thermoplastic rubber Nubby G listed among their offerings. But my excitement quickly turned to doubt: could this really be as good as the classic Nubby G? Would it live up to my memories? Would it make me come as hard and as frequently and as well?

In a word, yes. The Babeland Nubby G lives up to its promises: once I got my hands (and other parts) on it, I couldn't put it down. The Nubby G's magical abilities were every bit as stimulating as I remembered: my G was rubbed, my clit was nubbed, and my legs were quickly shaking in ecstasy.

I'm older, wiser, and a bit more experienced than I was when I discovered the original Nubby G, so its shortcomings are more apparent to me now: as a battery-powered toy, it doesn't rock as hard (or as long) as some of the rechargeable toys I've become acquainted with - and yes, it is aggravating when the batteries die in the middle of a particularly hot jack off sesh. But given its many other charms (and bargain basement price!), I'm willing to overlook that. The Nubby G will always have a place in my heart ... and one right by my ladyparts, too.

[We originally reported this toy as being made of silicone. It is actually made of thermoplastic rubber. Our apologies for the mistake.]

· Buy the Babeland Nubby G (babeland.com)

"Pheromones send out silent subconscious scent signals," alliterates the packaging, "that naturally trigger romantic feelings."

"Hmmm," I thought. "I'm about to apply something to myself but all I might get out of someone is nostalgia for England or The Sea? That's not good odds."

I looked at the ingredients, which consisted of SD Alcohol 40 (to distinguish it from the alcohol in one's drink), Glycerin, Water, and something called Ethoxydiglycol, which I found decreases viscosity and is used in products that are sprayed. The only other ingredient was "Fragrance."

I have certainly smelled this fragrance or something like it before, and it reminded me of strippers. But did the strippers really smell like that or were they shooting their pheromones at me?

Tune in next week to see the results.

· Lure Unisex Pheromone Attractant (cduniverse.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)

Consider checking out the B Swish line of toys. A company dedicated to making quality toys accessible to a broad audience, B Swish offers three excellent options that won't break the bank: the Bgee (a slim gspotter vibe), the Bgood (a slimline-style vibe), and the Bnaughty (an egg vibe). Since I'm nothing if not naughty — and like a good egg vibe — I grabbed a Bnaughty and took it for a test drive.

Made of a hard, velvety plastic, the Bnaughty has a sleek, smooth surface that feels great whether it's in your palm or in your, uh, parts. Like most egg vibes, the controls are housed in a little box (connected to the vibrating egg by a thin, plastic coated wire); unlike most egg vibes, the Bnaughty controller is ergonomically designed, and sits quite comfortably in your (or your partner's) hand.

With only four speeds, and no fancy pulse patterns, the Bnaughty is definitely a basic vibrator — but hey, sometimes basic is all you need. For something so small, the Bnaughty's vibrations are remarkably strong. Added bonuses: it's waterproof (in case you need a little bath time fun) and comes with its own cotton storage bag.

The Bnaughty can be used with any kind of lube, and should be cleaned with soap and warm water. It can not be sterilized, however, so use a condom if you're planning to share.

Though it may not have as many bells and whistles as some of the other vibes we've profiled, the Bnaughty is still a good, solid toy. If a budget orgasm is a high priority, you could do a lot worse.

· Bswish (bswish.com)
· Buy the Bnaughty (babeland.com)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive

What makes the Gigi so special? To begin with, it meets all the basic criteria for an awesome vibrator. With a silicone body and a rechargeable power supply, it's both earth- and body-friendly (and with its special g-spotter shape, it's very body friendly). But it doesn't just stop there. As with so many gadgets, the difference is in the details:

· Cute looks. With its white plastic handle and click wheel controls, the Gigi looks like something out of the Sexy By Steve Jobs line of marital aids. Or like the kind of vibe Mrs. Emma Peel would get off with. Mmm, Emma Peel.

· Storage solution included. Always at a loss where to stow your vibes when you're done with the? The Gigi comes with a little black silk storage pouch: simple, yes, but you'd be surprised how few manufacturers think of this sort of thing and force you to keep your precious plaything tucked away in an old sock or something.

· Easy to use. Though the Gigi does come with a (thankfully brief) user's manual, you can easily enjoy the vibe without reading it. Unlike some of the more RTFM toys we've reviewed, the Gigi has intuitive controls: the plus and minus buttons change the intensity of the vibration, the arrow buttons cycle you through the pulse patterns, and when the controls glow red, it's time to recharge. Finally, a vibe that's truly plug and play.

· Truly quiet. Unlike certain vibes that we could name, the Gigi doesn't make its presence known in an auditory kind of way. When it's on, it emits only the mildest hum — so if you desperately need to get off while your roommate's in the other room, this is definitely the vibe for you.

· It works the way I think vibes should work. Quite a few vibes — even high end ones — have overly simplistic controls. While that might seem like a good idea (after all, who wants to be fumbling for the right button in the heat of the moment?), it's actually a disadvantage when it comes to getting exactly the sort of performance you're looking for. By separating the controls for the pulse patterns and the vibration intensity, the Gigi allows for maximum customization, yet still manages to be simple enough for even the extremely aroused to easily control.

Really, what more could you ask for? If you still need more convincing, though, we'll just say this: Lelo, the company that manufactures the Gigi, is based in Sweden — you know, home of Ikea, Swedish massage, and Swedish erotica. Clearly, this is a country that knows good design... and good sex. And frankly, we couldn't be happier to be getting off with its exports.

· Buy the Gigi (babeland.com)
· Lelo (lelo.com)

I must admit that when I first encountered the Fling, I was full of doubt. Would a wooden dildo actually feel good? Would I be able to sterilize it? Would it warp when I washed it? Would I get splinters in my cooch?

But within mere moments of insertion, all my doubts went away. To put it simply, this dildo feels really fucking good. Wide at the top, with a thin stem that leads into a nicely positioned handle, the Fling manages to make you feel pleasantly full while avoiding any painful "stretched out" sensations. Though insertion can a little difficult, and requires some lube, when the Fling actually makes it inside it's well worth it.

(A tip for experienced fappers: once you have the Fling comfortably inserted, try rotating it 180 degrees. Surprise! You've just entered a whole new world of sensation. You can thank me later.)

As an added bonus to its awesome functionality, the Fling's beautiful form makes it a definite contender for the Discreet Sex Toy award: to those who aren't in the know, it looks like a carved wooden objet d'art. So if you forget to stow it away, no one will be the wiser. (Unless carved wooden hippie art isn't your style. Then you might find yourself faced with a few questions.)

The Fling is coated in Lubrosity, a trademarked finish that's chemical/bacteria-resistant, waterproof, hypoallergenic, and phthalate-free. Translation: it can be sterilized (wash it well or use an antiseptic cleaner), is shower friendly, and probably won't give you cancer. It also happens to be compatible with all types of lubricant. Score one for old fashioned materials!

· Buy the Fling (babeland.com)

This item is not to be confused with this less full-service item. Indeed, today's model can be mounted on the couch ... just like a real lady!

"Heather was molded just for you," says the box containing the surprisingly heavy Cyberskin creation. Indeed, there is a picture of an engooped Heather Vandeven getting a mold struck of her parts. Because she cares for me, she is wearing full makeup as she peeks at me from a table in a room that is probably the accounting office.

Don't get the wrong idea, but I have personal experience with the ass of the woman who was Penthouse's 2007 Pet of the Year. I have touched it. But divorcing the ass from the person is difficult, so I placed the ass on a leather couch, which is about as yielding and firm as a person (or at least more similar than the fake plant in our office, or the desks).

While the Cyberskin smelled like Cyberskin and not melon body spray or coconut rum, the ass was submitted to a stripper-grade slap test and it was lifelike and satisfying, emitting a resounding *smack!* and resulting satisfying jiggle. But I did not fuck it, alas; I don't want to sully my relationship with the real person, and sopmehow I can't imagine that the real person would allow that sort of interaction.

But if you have never met Heather Vandeven, fuck away!

We want to buy a desk with a top drawer we can open at opportune moments to reveal a bottle of Scotch and Heather Vandeven's Vibrating Cyberskin Doggy Style Pussy & Ass: Good for what ails ya.

· Heather Vandeven's Doggy Style Pet Pussy & Ass (topcosales.us)

The Havana is a slim, pink, cone-shaped silicone plug (and I do mean slim: the tip is about as wide as one of my very small, girly fingers). On its own, it works nicely as a starter plug: if you're a newcomer to anal play, or prefer to keep your butt toys on the small side, this is definitely the plug for you. Want to kick it up a notch? Slide the accompanying bullet vibe into the base, and suddenly, you've reached a whole new level. If you think vibrators are for pussies, think again: my butt definitely appreciated the added stimulation of a little (well, more than a little) vibration.

Added bonus: Because the vibrations come from a separate vibrator, rather than a built in motor, the Havana is actually two toys in one. And if you're not feeling up to anal action, you can take the small (but extremely powerful) bullet vibe on its own. Sometimes the best things really do come in small packages.

Because of its shape — think "world's smallest Christmas tree" — the Havana isn't really appropriate for those who like to keep a plug in while they're taking care of everyday tasks. When I attempted to walk around with it in, I had difficulty keeping it in; the stem is a bit too wide for that.

Like all good butt plugs, the Havana is made of silicone, which means it can be easily cleaned (but should not be used with silicone lube). When inserting the bullet vibe into the plug, be sure to lube it up — and when you're done playing, take the bullet out right away. Not using lube, or leaving the bullet in when you're not playing, can lead to the bullet getting stuck in the plug. It might not replace the Tristan as my main object of affection, but sometimes it's nice having a little crush on the side too.

· Buy the Havana Plug (babeland.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive

With its two curved ends and wide grip, the Form 6 looks more like a lady razor than a sex toy. But no lady razor I've ever come in contact with has gotten me off this good. The body of the Form 6 conformed nicely to my curves, one end resting on my clit as the other arched to reach my labia, guaranteeing maximum stimulation—aided especially by the fact that the two ends of the vibrator are independently controlled. Yes, it's that high tech.

The Form 6 has three buttons: one to determine the pulse pattern, one to set the intensity of the small end's vibrations, and one to set the intensity of the large end's vibrations. Worried you'll find the perfect get-me-off settings, only to forget them in an orgasm-induced haze? Never fear—the Form 6 is smart enough to remember what you like. Turn it off when it's in your favorite mode, and it'll still be there the next time you turn it on.

Here's what the Form 6 is:

· An excellent way to get off. Six vibration patterns, six speeds, five intensity levels, and as many orgasms as you can muster.

· A fun toy to take into the shower. It's water-resistant, so you don't have to worry about destroying it during some wet and wild fun.

· Discreet. If you need a vibe you can legitimately pass of as a "massager," this would be the one to go with. With its cute lady-like looks, no one who's not in the know is going to automatically assume it's a sex toy (and as an added bonus, it actually comes packaged with a sample of massage oil, to make that lie extra plausible).

· Easy to charge. Just place in the base and watch the controls light up.

· Easy to clean and sterilize. What can I say? Silicone is the best.

Here's what the Form 6 is not:

· Quiet. Despite it's promises of being "engineered for sound isolation," the Form 6 was definitely one of the louder vibes I've seen (it even makes a start up noise reminiscent of a UFO signal). If you're planning on using it while other people are around, you're probably going to want some music playing.

· Plug and play. Like the Delight, this is an RTFM toy. The Form 6 comes with an 8 page manual and as tempting as it is to just jump in head first, I highly recommend that you read it (don't worry, the print is large are there are lots of pictures). Trust me: when you're grooving along to a level five square wave on the small massage node while the large massage node gives you a level three rapid vibration wave, you'll be grateful you took the time to actually learn what that means.

· Easy to turn on/off. The Form 6 comes with a fancy button lock system that prevents it from accidentally getting turned on while in your luggage. Naturally, this makes it a little difficult to press the buttons. To turn the toy on or change its intensity or vibration patterns, you have to press down on the buttons hard, which isn't always the easiest thing to do when you're in the heat of the moment.

There's just one more thing I've been left wondering: Why is the Form 6 purple? Or maybe I should say: why are so many sex toys purple? Was there a sex toy design convention where purple was determined to be this year's color? Or is it just some bizarre coincidence? Whatever it is, my toy chest is starting to look like it was exclusively supplied by Grimace's House of Naughty Pleasures ... and that's starting to get just a little weird.

· Buy the Form 6 (babeland.com)
· Jimmy Jane (jimmyjane.com)

Read our concerns about it after the gap.

15.5" of SensaFirm, a thermal plastic elastomer concoction, in the form of five tapered ass pyramids and a convenient pull tab make this device a formidable guest in one's ass.

Holding it gently by its ring, the delightful Ava Rose indicated that our relationship hadn't yet proceeded to the Rascal stage.

"Let's just be friends," she said.

For enthusiasts with time on their hands and space up their butts, the Rascal is a challenging treat. Remember, though, that Sensafirm is a porous material, difficult to clean. Bacteria find purchase in porous material easily, so use with water-based lubricant (for the love of Zod, please use lubricant), and clean after each use.

· Buy ther Rascal XL (searchsextoys.com)
· Topco Sales" (topcosales.us

There were four parts to my kit: a Babeland massage candle (to get things warmed up nice and naturally), a bottle of Emerita OH Warming Lubricant (to keep the heat going), Mamba condoms (to keep you from getting, uh ... you know), and, best of all, a Laya Spot vibrator (for when you need a little extra kick). All products in the kit (with the obvious exception of the Laya Spot) are all-natural, with no animal testing or animal-derived ingredients.

I started off my evening with the massage candle, lighting it with the Babeland-branded matches that came with the kit. (A nice touch, I must say.) As the scented soy wax heats up and melts, it transforms into a warm massage oil. Though the oil felt nice at first, it quickly became sticky, leaving a less than sexy residue on my skin.

Next I checked out the lube. As a girl with a bit of experience in the fine arts of handjobbery and butt fuckery, I consider myself something of a lube snob: too often, artificial lubes are too thin, dry out too fast, or just taste really bad (an important consideration if you happen to switch to some oral action after you've lubed up your partner's privates). Surprisingly, Emerita was none of these things. It had a pleasing thickness, lasted quite a while, and tasted pretty good (at least by lube standards). Though I was hesitant about the advertised warming action—apparently generated by cinnamon bark—it turned out to be surprisingly pleasant, if a bit shortlived. During sex, the warming action fizzled out pretty quickly; though it was certainly nice while it lasted. [Note: Though my Eco-Sexy kit came with the OH lube, Babeland's website advertises the kit as coming with Emerita Natural Lubricant, so you might end up with a slightly different configuration.]

As for the Mamba condoms, it's nice to know that the non-profit that produces them is "15 times more stringent" about their testing than any other condom company in the world, they were, well, condoms. The latex was non-irritating, they didn't break, and really, that's all there is to say about them.

Finally, the clear crown jewel of the kit: the Laya Spot vibe. Small yet sensuous, the Laya Spot conforms to your curves while fitting into the palm of your hand. The easily accessible controls, which fall right under your fingers when your hand rests on the vibe, allow you to guide your body through six levels of vibration, as well as three distinct pulse patterns. For something so small, the Laya Spot rocks quite hard—I had no idea two AAA batteries could produce so much power.

A note to the phthalatephobic: the Laya Spot is made of elastomer, a soft, hypoallergenic material that's phthalate-free, and an excellent alternative to jelly rubber. However, it's important to remember that elastomer is slightly porous and cannot be disinfected so, nice as this toy is, it shouldn't be shared with any friends (no matter what they told you in kindergarten about sharing.) The Laya Spot is waterproof and can be cleaned with soap and water.

Overall, I was pleased with the kit. The products are high quality and complement each other nicely. Whether you're looking to spice up your next Earth Day or just make your love life a bit more organic, the Eco-Sexy kit is a great way to green your bedroom.

· Buy the Eco-Sexy Kit (babeland.com)