Natural Contours (Candida Royalle's sex toy line) was one of the first companies to offer classy looking, discreet vibrators — and over the many years they've been in business, they've added many wonderful additions to their line of vibes (and not a single jelly dong in sight!). Given their history of producing quality toys, and my history of enjoying quality toys, it's somewhat surprising that until last week, I'd never felt the caress of a Natural Contours vibe against my own natural contours.

OhMiBod may have a name that's a clever(ish) play on one of the world's most instantly recognizable brands, and their most famous products may be iPod-compatible vibrators. But that shouldn't lead you to think that they're a one trick sex toy company: in addition to their Apple-centric vibes, they also make vibrators that work with any cell phone, one of which managed to land in my lap last week.

The Boditalk Escort is a small pink bullet vibe. But, unlike other bullet vibes, this one has the ability to vibe in sync with your cell phone (or iPhone). But will its call make you come? Or will it make you want to send it straight to voicemail? And how exactly does the darn thing work?

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Curvy Lover Stroker

Fleshbot's pixel restrictions prevent me showing this device to you as it looked attached like a naughty koala to the better part of my person. But if you've ever imagined shrinking an enemy and then fucking it like some cultural exchange between certain native tribes and the Porn Valley Chamber of Commerce, then the Curvy Woman Stroker is for you!

In sex toy parlance, a "massager" is usually just a polite term for a vibrator — the label that stores like The Sharper Image apply to toys like the Hitachi Magic Wand, Form 6, and other girly pleasure devices in order to keep them family-friendly. So when I heard that JimmyJane had come out with a new line of "massage stones," I assumed that they'd graced the world with yet another luxury vibe.

But no! These massage stones are actually intended for good old fashioned massage — you know, something to help you relax and work out the knots in your muscles. With my extensive knowledge of happy endings, I was already well aware of why some fancy massage stones might be considered a sex toy. But how did they perform? Was JimmyJane able to light the fires and give me a happy ending? Or did the stones just leave me cold?

Normally, I'm not one to question the price of sex toys. Having rubbed my junk with everything from cheapo bullet vibes to luxury wonders like the SaSi, I can say with a great deal of certainty that when it comes to sex toys, you get what you pay for. High-priced playthings tend to be better made, which makes them last longer and generally a lot more fun to use.

But even I was a bit shocked to learn that the nJoy Eleven costs a whopping $300. Beautifully crafted though it may be, it is, ultimately, just a dildo. What could make a dildo cost more than the latest iPhone? I decided to dive in and find out.

Bree Olson is like a delicious abyss: sometimes we enter it and sometimes, if we have the means to wipe the sparkles off, it enters us.

Today we have three Bree Olson-related products to consider. Two of them are what our cosmopolitan readers should expect by this point, but the other is, well, kind of odd.

Behemoths like the much-loved Hitachi Magic Wand have their place, but there's a certain appeal to more discreet sex toys too; after all, sometimes you just don't want your housemates, or kids, or parents, to know you have a vibrator. Better they should think you just really, really like your rubber ducky, flashlight, or — in the case of LELO's new MIA — your USB thumb drive.

At just under four and a half inches, the MIA can easily pass for just another thumb drive (albeit an oversized, girly one), and not just because it of how it looks: it also happens to be USB-powered. But style can only take a girl so far. So how well does the vibe actually work?

For all its bells and whistles, the OhMiBod vibrator never appealed to me. Sure, it was a fancy vibe that would turn my favorite hits into orgasm pumping jam sessions. But it also looked like a big white plastic Slimline—the kind of vibrator that has never appealed to me. I didn't care what kind of fancy pulsations that vibrator could get up to: it didn't look like something I wanted inside my cooch. And isn't that what we're all looking for?

But then the Naughtinano landed on my desk, and I started to reconsider my OhMiBod ban. Unlike the original OhMiBod, the Naughtinano has a slight, curvy form that's both pleasing to the eye and the G-spot. This was all it needed to make me intrigued enough to ignore its cringeworthy name and hook it up to my iPod.