A few days ago, I told my assistant that I was going to need his help testing out a vibrator this weekend.

"Why do you need my help?" he asked.

"Because it's the We-Vibe," I replied. "If I don't have you, it's just a Me Vibe."

Yes, the We-Vibe is a couple's vibe, if you will—a marital aid in the truest sense. A purple (of course), silicone-coated vibe that's shaped a bit like a lopsided U, the vibe sits half inside, half outside the vagina. The thinner prong nestles up against the G-spot, leaving plenty of room for penile or other penetration, while the fatter prong which houses the controls curls up against the gspot. Which is all well and good, but does it actually work?

I admit to having a bit of a soft spot for cock rings. As it happens, hard cocks are my favorite kind. So anything that helps keep them that way is pretty much guaranteed a firm place in my heart.

But beyond doing their part in the war against flaccidity, and occasionally producing a thicker, more turgid erection, cock rings haven't really done much for me personally. The ones with nubs or ticklers have done a bit to tickle my fancy, but it's never really been anything worth writing home about. But then the Sonic Ring Kit walked (or, er, rolled) into my life, and everything changed.

When it comes to getting busy, I am totally about getting wild and crazy and trying out different positions. There's just one problem: I can be kind of lazy too, which places some of the more advanced sex positions somewhat out of reach.

The Penetration Station offers lazy lovers like myself a little extra boost with a system of straps that promises to provide leverage and enable even the laziest Lothario access to all kinds of acrobatic sex positions. But is it all that the packaging promises? With the help of an assistant, I decided to set up the Penetration Station and take it for a little ride.

When you're clicking through the internet in search of hot porn, it helps to have both hands at the ready. After all, the kind of penetrating research we do here at Fleshbot takes a lot of effort, and a girl doesn't always have a spare hand with which to steer a sex toy.

So needless to say, a vibe that promises some hands-free satisfaction has more than a bit of appeal—and the possibility of getting off with both hands above the belt was certainly something I had to investigate.

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Two Predictions About The Size Of Your Cock

While "Keep your wiener cleaner" is an excellent motto, ask our 12-year-old selves about the last time we jerked off with soap or shampoo to know how potentially painful this gag gift is. Suggested for bachelor parties, what this novelty really says is, "I want to hurt your urethra." Not so with Lex Steele's Big Man XL Steel Cock Ring, however: what that says is, "I want to destroy your enemies."

We all know we should do our Kegel exercises regularly, but do we? For me, Kegels have always been like vitamins. I know they’re good for me and that doing them daily would probably pay off in the long run. But for some reason, I always seem to have trouble fitting them into my busy schedule of ... you know, trying out sex toys.

Lelo advertises Luna Beads as a “combined pleasure / fitness system for the circum vaginal and pelvic floor muscles.” Translation: a really easy way to do Kegels—and one that will, ideally, feel pretty fucking awesome while you work out. Given the chance to effortlessly strengthen my pubococcygeus (PC) muscle while getting some pleasure in the process? Yeah, you could say I was interested.

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: CyberSkin® Waterproof EZ-Bend Cockring

If something comes with an "As Seen on TV!" sticker on it or an "E-Z" anywhere on the label, you can be goddamn sure I'm going to put it on my penis. (Or at the very least stick my penis through it, which is not true of anything marked "Hecho in Jo Polnicek)

You will look like one of those Sears photographers, facing forward while holding a bulb in one hand and the birdie in the other, when you physically commit to the CyberSkin® Waterproof EZ-Bend Cockring. Because what the title doesn't tell you is that, not only is this cock ring as bendy as a favorite bath tool, but it also has a vibrating bullet attached by a length of wire to a controller.

Dual action vibrators have been all the rage ever since "Sex and the City" took a liking to the Rabbit Pearl—and for some women, they’re pretty much seen as the ultimate in sex toys, the only vibrator they'll ever need.

I’m not one of those women. For some reason, rabbit vibes have never appealed to me. Maybe it’s the fact that most of them are made of scary things like jelly rubber; maybe it’s the fact that I shy away from trendy toys; or maybe it’s just that damn little rabbit. Whatever the cause, I’ve haven’t ever felt very rabbit-curious. But when presented with a dual action vibe that’s made of silicone and doesn’t have a cutesey little animal face staring up at me ... well, now I'm curious.

The Jollie is a big dildo. Not Rascal Doubleteamer big, mind you; but with a 6 inch circumference at its widest, the Jollie is no shrinking violet. (It is, of course, violet, but really now — what did you expect?)

Those with braver souls (or more elastic pudenda) than myself may find themselves able to insert the Jollie with little to no prep work. I, however, required a lot of lube, at least one orgasm, and, ideally, a bit of starter penetration prior to working the Jollie inside my girlyparts. But once ensconced therein, the Jollie made it clear that all that prep had been well worth it: with its unique design it is, shall we say, a dildo like no other.

I've never really understood the need to buy a set of nipple clamps: why pay for something you can get for virtually free? Plain old clothespins may not be intended for nipple stimulation, but they still do the job extremely well. But even though they're nice and pinchy, clothespins don't vibrate. Nipplettes Vibrating Clamps, on the other hand, vibrate quite hard ... and that feature alone was enough to make me consider paying for them.

I was skeptical the first time I saw the GPilot ... and maybe a bit scared. Despite its claims of increasing pleasure and causing ladies to squirt, the small piece of plastic—which resembles nothing so much as a penis shoehorn—seemed far more likely to cause me pain (and maybe even break my partner's penis). And the product's disclaimer, warning that I used the GPilot at my own risk, didn't help matters much.

But despite my misgivings, I was determined to try the GPilot: the packaging did say (in bigger letters, above the scary disclaimer) that the product had been tested by science. And I trust science.

There have been a few wall-mountable items in our adult novelty cabinet of late, but this one is particularly exciting because, despite Bree Olson's picture on the box, we're not sure if the Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass is Bree Olson's Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass. Without the knowledge of whose Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass it's supposed to be, fucking this Cyberskin Vibrating Suction Base Pussy And Ass is like having sex with a stranger. Exciting! And creepy!

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Odyssey Tickles More Than Just Your Fancy

"It's molded from my tight asshole, so now you can fuck me where I like it," breathes Fleshbot Supreme Comandress Joanna Angel through the packaging of her Tight Cyberskin Ass Stroker. And what about her Tight Cyberskin Pussy Stroker? "It's molded from my own pussy, so fuck me hard like you know I like it." I don't know, Joanna; you seem to like it no matter what we do.

I must admit, I approached the Pfun Plug with a mild amount of trepidation. After all, it's a toy specifically designed to stimulate the prostate—a body part which, being a girl, I conspicuously lack. But as an avid anal enthusiast, I have a hard time saying no to any butt toy, so I gamely decided to see if what's good for the gander might also be good for the goose.

The delightful Ryder Skye has had a cupcake batter-like substance (at least that's what I'd do) dumped on her in an attempt to strike a mold of her frame for the purpose of at-home mounting. As you can see from the photograph, the mixture was lovingly applied; there was probably a soprano saxophonist nearby, blowing slow over dusky rhythms.

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Iris Is All Grown Up

Tired of all the bells and whistles on those fancy modern vibrators? Looking for something a little more simple, the kind of vibrator that gets in, gets you off, and shuts off without a whole lot of fuss? The Babeland Aqua Wand may be just what you need. Unlike many of the vibrators we've talked about in this space, the Aqua Wand is incredibly basic. It has two settings: on and off. No adjustable vibrations, no fancy pulse patterns—just a click of a button and a steady, moderately intense vibration. Really, what more do you need?