Don’t Stop Believing In “This Ain’t Glee XXX”

Choir geeks, drama, and pop songs. What started as more of a goof over at Fox has morphed into one of only two shows to get syndicated in its first season. Which makes it perfect porn parody material.

Everything about Axel Braun is just a little larger than life. He was born in Italy to a famous porn director, he raced cars for a while, bedding women all over the world with his charm and his accent, then came to America to attend film school. How he became Michael Corleone, taking over the family business and rising to the top as one of the most sought after porn directors of his generation, is still a mystery. And don't even ask him about Fredo, because he won't tell you.

Recently he shifted his considerable talents to making parodies. Yesterday we lavished praise on him with a glowing review of his old school Batman parody for Vivid. Today, well, we're a little skeptical about his singing musical pornographic take on guilty pleasure "Glee." Don't misunderstand us. It's not Axel we're worried about. It's the idea of pornstars singing. Yeah. Terrifying. We can't get through a single episode of "American Idol." How they hell are we supposed to watch these tuneless sex machines croon?

Axel told us that he didn't know a great deal when he decided to make the spoof, so he sat and watched the show, got hooked, and became an obsessed fan. That's when he came up with the idea of holding auditions to see who could sing. We were as surprised as he was. Well, by everyone except Nicki Hunter, who we'd seen do opera before in a Michael Ninn flick.

In the end, he cast it girl of the moment Andy San Dimas as Rachel, Alexa Nicole as Santana, Tara Lynn Fox as Quinn, sexy Scarlett Fay as Emma, Miko Sinz as Tina, Nicki as the abrasive Sue, and McKenzie Miles as Brittany.

The parody itself hits some very familiar notes with fans. There's a surprisingly hot sex scene in the music room, which we've been waiting for all season, with Puck (played by porn stud John Espizedo) getting crazy on both Brittany and Santana...at the same time. Didn't see that one coming, did you? There's also a sex scene there between sexy sweet Andy San Dimas and Chad Diamond, or as fans of the show know them, Will and Rachel. They sing a song called "Don't Cum All Over Me"...and then the real fireworks go down.

Tina and Sue lez out. Yep. We always saw Sue as a ladies' woman and so her porn doppleganger is definitely a muff diver. Totally hot. They go at it in the bathroom, for those of you who have that particular fetish.

And, of course, Emma and Will finally fuck each other in the teacher's break room and Finn (played by Tucker Slain) and Quinn get nasty sticky in the nurse's office. Together they sing "Knocked Up at 18" which will probably come off more like Team America than Grease. But what the hell, right?

Oh, and there's a special guest appearance by porn's greatest non-sex actor, James Bartholet, playing Figgins. Make out of that what you will.

Listen, we're not going to tell you that it's Broadway material, or that the troupe will be taking its pornographic show on the road (although that's an interesting idea)—well, not just yet. What we can say is that "This Ain't Glee XXX" from Hustler is a campy, funny, sexy spoof that apes the original with the sincere intent of wielding emulation as flattery. You won't cringe watching these performances any more than you already do at the Kardashians or "America's Got (no) Talent" or "Fear Factor" or "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" or "Millionaire Matchmaker" or "Herpes Island." The point is that deep down you love this kind of thing, and you know it, which is what made such an awkward show about misfits and singing rejects a runaway hit in the first place. It's time you went ahead and embraced the fact that you're a geek, that each of us has a nerdy, horny, porno choir geek inside of us that wants to sing at the top of their lungs while pumping through a gridlocked threeway with two hot cheerleaders. Just saying.

"This Ain't Glee XXX" comes out next week. Check out the pictures and let us know what you think. You may want to grab a copy of this thing as fast as you can, before Fox sues everyone even remotely involved with it and makes it disappear forever. Have a happy and safe 4th of July weekend.

· Buy "This Ain't Glee XXX" (tlavideo.com)
· Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)

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Alexa Nicole, McKenzie Miles, and John Espizedo
Buy "This Ain't Glee XXX" (tlavideo.com)
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Alexa Nicole, McKenzie Miles, and John Espizedo
Buy "This Ain't Glee XXX" (tlavideo.com)
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Andy San Dimas and Chad Diamond
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Andy San Dimas and Chad Diamond
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Nicki Hunter and Miko Sinz
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Nicki Hunter and Miko Sinz
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Scarlett Fay and Chad Diamond
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Scarlett Fay and Chad Diamond
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Tara Lynn Fox and Tucker Slain
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Tara Lynn Fox and Tucker Slain
Buy "This Ain't Glee XXX" (tlavideo.com)
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Tara Lynn Fox and Tucker Slain
Buy "This Ain't Glee XXX" (tlavideo.com)
Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)